#anyways. I feel like I’m going to explode

[godmadeaterribleerror]

Dreams of Love - A No Love Lost Bonus Chapter

Series Masterlist

Read on A03!

Author's Note: Made it a Hughie and Annie baby. Named it Joel because I’m hilarious and Annie would sooner eat glass than name her son Billy.

Chapter Title from She’s Got A Way by Billy Joel

Word Count: 7.5k

Summary/Warnings: Request from my love @deansbbyx ! You and Ben have to babysit. Takes place ten months post-series.

Tags: Soldier Boy/Supe!Female Reader, canon divergence, tooth-rotting fluff, Ben being old, Dad Ben, pre-established relationship, so much horniness (would we expect anything less?)

“Where the hell did Annie get a baby from.”

You sigh, giving Ben a flat look. “Her vagina, Benjamin. That’s where most of them pop out, you know.” 

Ben scowls, shooting you a glare that really only makes your whole body warm and soft. “Shut the fuck up, brat, you know what I meant-“

“I don’t think I did, Pretty Boy. I think you need to start explaining where you think babies come from-“

You’re cut off as Ben pulls you right to his chest, dropping his brow to yours with a smirk.

“You know damn well that I know where babies come from, Sunshine.” He drawls, and he’s really warm, and he smells so good, and his muscles are flexing around you, and his keeping his mouth just far enough away that you can’t kiss him but God you want to-

Ben-

You need something, darling? Need me to fuck you dumb right here, fill you up with my cock and remind you how fucking good we are at baby making? 

You swallow, unable to tear your gaze away from his darkened, lust-blown eyes. He’s starving for you, and you can feel it everywhere—you can’t even tell where your own thirst for him begins and his hunger for you ends—but you cannot have sex right now. There just isn’t the time, and it’s not like Ben’s going anywhere, but fuck, he’s so handsome and he’ll taste like strawberries and maple syrup from breakfast, and you can feel how hard he is, pressing against your thigh-

“MM’s going to be here soon,” you whisper, fidgeting with the collar of Ben’s shirt to give your fingers something to do that isn’t wrapping around Ben’s dick. “And Ryan needs to go to school. I can drive him if you-“

Ben rolls his eyes, pressing a quick kiss to your brow before rising back up to his full height. “You’re not fucking driving. I’ll take Ryan, you get the Campbell baby.”

“But-“

He drawls your name, raising his brows. “You really fucking think MM is going to leave a fucking baby with me.”

“Yeah, I do.” You raise your chin slightly, holding Ben’s vaguely amused gaze. “He doesn’t hate you anymore-“

“Doesn’t matter if he still wanted to cut my fucking dick off or not, you’re the only one he’s leaving it with.”

 “It had a name, Ben.” You say, wrapping your arms around his torso and leaning your chin on his chest. “And I’m sure MM would leave Joel with you if I ask him to.”

“But you’re not going to ask,” Ben says your name with a shrug, half picking you off the floor and cradling your head with one hand. “I’m bringing Ryan to school, you’re taking the baby. That’s it.”

You wrinkle your nose at him. “What if I promise you a blowjob to trade?”

He snorts, the radiance in his body bursting along your ribs. I’d get that blowjob anyway. 

What if I promise breeding kink sex?

His eyes narrow. You think you’re real fucking smart.

I do. You smile at him, playing with the hair on his beard as you sway slightly in his arms. You say I am all the time. You call me clever, and beautiful, and perfect. And if you like me now, imagine how amazing I’d be when you fucked me good enough for to put a baby-

You win. Ben’s hand tightens on your waist, his eyes flash, his hunger almost explodes through his body, and it’s all the warning you get before his mouth is crashing down to yours. Your silent words are cut off with a deep growl from Ben’s chest as he walks you backwards to the kitchen counter, his hand tugging at your hair to deepen the kiss. Your lips part with a moan that Ben swallows, and you’re scratching at his back as he shoves a knee between your legs, and fuck, he’s so good-

Such a needy fucking brat. He mutters in your head, and you can only grind against him. You are fucking perfect, you’re a goddamn miracle, but that smart fucking mouth, Ben hums against your lips, starting to kiss a wet, sloppy line down your neck. It’s a fucking marvel, Sunshine. Going to fucking kill me, how goddamn beautiful you are, all fucking dumb and pretty when I touch you-

Fuck- You whine when he starts to suck on that one spot near your throat, and he chuckles against your skin. God, Ben-

Words, darling, use that smart mouth to beg-

Please, Benjamin, you ass-

You squeak as his hand pins you against his knee, and he draws back, scanning over your open, desperate expression with a wide smirk. 

“Hi, Sunshine.” He drawls, tipping your chin back with a careful hand, and you might be drooling. 

He’s so fucking handsome. It’s really not fair. This life looks painfully good on him, where all his love is still hot and bloody and focused in your body, but the resolve to hold you is just to hold you. There are no threats that you’d need protection from, but Ben’s still shielding you just a little all the time because that’s what he does. He loves and cares about you so violently you’d be worried he offers you too much, but all he’s ever asked for in return is this. Is you, already a little dazed from his hand dragging circles on the skin of your hips, your mouth hanging open as you take in his messy hair and relaxed expression. Everything in him glows when he presses his thumb on your lower lip and you moan, and when he leaves a small, almost chaste kiss on the space between your eyes the fire under your skin starts to push up, and you’re smoking, and he’s just grinning at you like a dick-

“You’re so fucking perfect, beautiful.” He mutters, and you don’t know why he’s not just fucking you. “When I get you alone again, you’re going to cum on my hands, then my face, then my cock when I fill you up. You’re going to feel me for fucking days, darling, and everyone will know that I always fuck you properly when you sit down at a meeting and fucking whine like a goddamn brat.”

You have a small, breathless speech in your head that’s mostly a plea of you are alone, right now, and it’s not possible for Ben to make you feel it for days, but God, you’d like to see him try, but you don’t get the chance to say it. You stare at Ben’s smug grin for a long second, taking steady breaths to try and regain just a little bit of control over your brain—which right now seems to only remember how to say Benjamin, please—and Ryan walks into the kitchen with his backpack and nervous, quick words.

“Ben, I lost my notebook-“ Ryan’s eyes widen at the scene before him—Ben still holding you on his knee, your whole body slack under his touch and very obvious, slightly glowing smoke rising from your skin—and he freezes in the doorway. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to- I’ll just go wait in the car-“

“Stay here, kid.” Ben helps you down, pressing one last, gentle kiss to your brow before turning his attention to Ryan. “Car’s not started yet, and your notebook’s under the couch.”

Ryan frowns. “How did it-“

“Shoved it there last night.” Ben grunts. His voice is really deep. His arm is still around you. He smells like pine and coffee and that earthy, salty thing that’s just Ben-

“Oh.” Ryan nods slowly. “Was it- I’m-“

“Don’t fucking apologize. It wasn’t in the way, I just had to do all the damn baby proofing-“

That snaps you out of it.

“You were baby proofing?”

Ben frowns down at you, something slightly sore wrapping over his skin. “Of course I was fucking baby proofing, I’m not going to let the damn thing just fuck around the house and die-“

You let just a little bit of your own, raw and infinite love leak into Ben’s body, rising up to press a kiss right over his beard and humming against his skin. Thank you, Benjamin. That was sweet.

I am not fucking sweet-

Of course not, Pretty Boy. What was I thinking. Your smile is wide and unrestrained as you lean back, holding Ben’s face between your hands. I love you.

I love you too, Sunshine. He rolls his eyes, dragging one of your hands to his mouth to kiss your knuckles. “I’ll get your notebook, Ryan. Go put on your shoes.”

“Okay.” Ryan bounces on his feet, looking between you and Ben with an open, anxious expression. “Is- Are Hughie and Annie bringing Joey here?”

“They’re on their honeymoon,” you explain, Ben scowls, and you shoot him a flat look. “Which someone is being a grumpy asshole about.”

“It’s fucking bullshit.” Ben grumbles, guiding you out of the kitchen. “We’ve been married for ten goddamn month and haven’t gone on our honeymoon. Why the hell do those pussies get to go first.”

“They’re not going first, Ben, they just actually planned their wedding instead of doing it spontaneously in a field-“

Ben rolls his eyes. “If we do that proper wedding shit, will you finally take some time off so I can fuck you on a beach?”

You flush, whacking Ben’s chest as Ryan looks around absent-mindedly, pretending not to hear. Benjamin-

The kid is used to it, Sunshine-

He shouldn’t be- 

He’s fine. I think he’s got bigger fucking problems than me loving you like you deserve-

But-

“Ryan.” Ben grunts, tucking you a little further into his side and ignoring your death glare. He’s lucky you can’t burn his face off anymore. “You got an issue with me telling her I’m going to fuck her?”

“I, um- no?” Ryan shrugs, frowning at the air. “I guess I tune it out now, just because you do it kind of a lot and I- I dunno, I just expect it. Sorry-“

“Don’t say sorry, kid. You did good.” Ben shoots you a smug look, bright, hot pride inflating in his chest. You’re going to strangle him, then make out with his stupid, handsome, cocky face. “Shoes.”

Ryan nods and wanders to the door, and Ben looks so fucking proud of himself.

Benjamin William- 

You barely get out your shared last name before Ben’s squeezing your hips, pulling you up into a long, open-mouth kiss that makes you moan loud and soft, your body molding right into his. Never should’ve told you my middle name, brat. 

Could be worse. You mumble, smiling against his lips. I could tell Butcher. 

He pulls back with narrowed eyes. You won’t.

Test me, Benjamin-

You tell Butcher, I’ll… Ben trails off between your heads, and you can feel a wired spike in his heart when he realizes he doesn’t have any believable threats anymore. 

You’ll what? You raise your brows, giving him an overly sweet pout. Fuck me dumb? Make me beg? Throw me around until I’m a whiny, horny mess for your cock-

He slams back into you, hauling your body into his arms without even a stuttered breath and carrying you to the couch. 

Christ on a fucking cross, Ben mutters your name between your heads, lowering himself to his knees before you as he kisses you back into the cushions. You’re so fucking perfect.

His tone is entirely reverent, so sincere it might kill you, and the pure devotion and fervor of his love in your body is enough to drive you mad.

Ben- His hand trails up your thigh, and you’d be embarrassed by your loud moan if it didn’t make Ben groan into your mouth, everything in him sparking and flaring. Fuck-

Later, Sunshine. He tips your chin back slightly, pressing a small kiss to the corner of your mouth right before he pulls away. “Stay here until I get home.”

You hum, taking his hand from your cheek and twisting his wedding ring around his finger with a small smile. “Don’t tell me what to do.”

He chuckles, leaning into one last, soft kiss before rising to his feet. “Wouldn’t fucking dream of it, darling. Tell me when MM drops off the kid.”

Tell you on the what, Benjamin?

I’m not fucking saying it.

Please?

You give him your sweetest smile, squeezing your hand on his knee and leaning into his touch, and he groans.

Smart fucking brat. He mutters, moving his hand back to tangle in your hair and tugging slightly, just enough to make your head tip back. Tell me on the Ben’o’phone, and I’ll fuck your mouth and cunt real good when I get home.

Deal. Thank you.

Don’t. He grumbles between your heads, but even as his hand leaves yours you can feel the power of his love, the rough affection that’s settled deeply and comfortably into his chest. “You think we’ve got all the shit-“

“MM’s going to bring most of it. And,” you nod to the floor, and Ben turns with a frown. “I bought a play pen. We can keep it after. For later. When I get that promised fucking.”

You see Ben’s hands curl into fists, he stands a little taller, and fuck, you’re right at eye level with his bulge but Ryan really does need to go to school-

“I can’t believe Annie and Hughie got a fucking baby before we did.” He mutters, glaring at the play pen. “It’s a goddamn travesty-“

“Travesty.” You hum, looking up at him with a wide, teasing smile. “Big word, Pretty Boy-“

“Shut up.” 

Ben turns back to you, taking your face between big, warm hands and scanning over your features with a narrowed gaze. You can feel something wound tightly in his chest—slightly molding and almost painful—so you grab his wrists to keep him against you, and give him your widest, realest smile. The smile that’s for Ben, and Ben only.

It’s always really just Ben.

You know I fucking adore you. He says between your heads, his voice low and rough. Love you more than the goddamn universe, Sunshine, you’re my whole goddamn life. You know that.

I think you’ve mentioned it. You hum, leaning into his touch. And I love you too, you massive cunt, so say what the fuck you mean.

Ben lets out a dry snort as you drop your voice into a mocking impression of him on those last words, shaking his head slightly. Christ, darling. You’re fucking-

Perfect, I’m aware. Please, Ben-

You don’t need to ever do anything you fucking hate with me. He grunts, his body suddenly made only of fervorish, protective stone. I got you and Ryan, and that can be my world for the rest of my goddamn life, and I’d be good. If that caped fucking pussy knocked the idea of a baby out of your head forever, I’m not going to-

Ben. You cut him off with soft but firm words, holding his gaze. We don’t lie to each other.

Of course we fucking don’t-

So when I say that one day soon, I want to do this, you nod to the play pen. With you, believe me. Please.

His jaw twitches, and the wrathful care in his body doesn’t vanish, but it never does. It only moves back peacefully into your bones as Ben slowly nods. You’re sure.

Positive. Go bring Ryan to school before I do.

Ben rolls his eyes, leans down to kiss the top of your head, and half-stomps out the door.

He’ll be back soon. And—though he’ll never get you to say it aloud—you’ll wait right here until he does. Where everything still smells like pine, and you’re molded into the couch right where Ben put you, and you can smile at the play pen like a dumbass until the doorbell rings. 

You know it MM before you open it, because Ben just walks in wherever he wants—including into offices he definitely should not be walking into and meetings you’re supposed to be focusing on—and everyone in the neighborhood seems to know that’s Soldier Boy and the Anomaly’s house, so after the Homeowners Association incident, nobody really bothers you that much. 

It would be lonely if you didn’t already have a Ben, a Ryan, a Butcher—friend was too generous for the asshole, but he was unfortunately an indisputable part of your life—and friends.

Because when you open the door, it is MM on the other side, and he looks tire and pissed but still happy to see you. You can feel it—during your brief, tight hug—that there’s a heavy exhaustion under his skin and over his muscles, but there’s nothing but relieved affection for you to be here. 

“This kid,” MM mutters as you pull apart. “Has fucking lungs.”

You smile, following him out to the still-running car. “I know, I’ve heard them. Annie told me to buy Ryan earplugs.”

“Smart.” MM leans into the car door, pulling out the car seat and probably saying more things, but you don’t really hear them because that’s a baby. A baby baby. A barely popped, wispy haired baby that looks so much like a shrunken down version of Hughie it’s a little disturbing.

And you’ve met him before. You were there when Annie had her pre-mature birth, doing what Ben had called more work than the damn nurses and stopping Annie’s bleeding with a press of your hand to her legs a brief rush of pain between your thighs. 

MM had told you Ben had doubled over with a roar in the lobby, and you’d seen the evidence of it when you’d rejoined him and there was a large hole in the wall. But Annie had been okay, Hughie had given you a tight hug that could’ve left a bruise if that was something your body could do, and the baby had been healthy. 

You hadn’t wanted to hold him, nerves building in your throat about what feeling the emotions of a baby could even do. Annie had told you that it would be fine, and half-shoved Joey into your arms.

And now—just like then—you can feel nothing but soft, humming peace from tiny Joel Campbell in your arms. There’s no bloodied pain or freezing fear, nothing rotten in his chest or throat or head. He’s just a little fuzzy because you’re not Annie, but it’s a brief distress that fades when you start to hum and the whole world grows perfectly warm.

They’re here. Your words are soft down your connection to Ben, and he flares slightly in your chest.

Good. Ryan’s off, I’ll be back soon. Don’t fucking move.

You smile to yourself, and MM must realize that you’ve moved yourself into a trance, because he doesn’t try to talk to you until you’re settled back inside with Joey carefully in your arms, and all of Annie’s baby supplies are piled near the door.

“You think your old motherfucker is ready for this?”

You snort. Ben’s so ready you’re probably going to spend the next month after this trying to pry him off of you. “He is. He baby-proofed the house.”

MM grunts, scanning around the living room. “I’m guessing the asshole wants one?”

You might be smiling like an idiot. “You have no idea.”

“I think I can live with that.” MM mutters, giving you an odd look. “And- If I’m out of line tell me to shut it and I will, but can you even do that?”

You sigh, trailing one finger softly over Joey’s cheek. There’s something in that silent, happy hum you feel from him that really seems like Annie.

You wonder if your baby would look like Ben and feel like you, or look like you and feel like Ben. 

“I can if I want.” You say, shaking your head at MM’s look of confusion. “Don’t ask.”

He raises his hands in agreement, nodding to Joey in your arms. “Do you? Want one?”

“I do.” You whisper. “I always did, before, and then Home-“ You swallow. You still don’t like saying his name. He doesn’t deserve for his name to be said, not where Joey can hear it. “Then he, he did everything, and it didn’t seem like a thing I could ever do. But now...”

You trail off, and MM nods.

“What changed?”

You look up with a soft smile. “Do you really want me to say it?”

He sighs, running a hand over his face. “That old asshole must have a fucking genie who owes him one or something.”

You only hum, because it’s not really useful to explain that Ben doesn’t need a genie. He’s just Ben, and he’s everything, and you love him. “Maybe. I think he’s going to be amazing at this.”

“Of course you do.” MM mutters. “Where the hell is he?”

“Dropping Ryan at school.” You say, lowering your voice to whisper to Joey. “He’s bringing us back chocolate.”

“How the hell do you know-“

“He always brings me back something. And he’s that way,” you wave a vague hand over your shoulder, where you can sense Ben moving around miles away. “So he’s getting chocolate.”

When you look up, MM’s gaping slightly. “He always brings you something?”

“Of course he does. He thinks it’s an apology for leaving me.”

“Leaving- Motherfucker.” MM sighs, shaking his head. “It’s a good thing you two idiots can’t die without each other. You’re already so goddamn annoying.”

You can’t disagree with that. Not when—a few hours after MM leaves—Ben pushes through the door with a box of those fancy fucking chocolates you love, Sunshine, and lowers to his knees before you, staring at Joey in your arms.

“Hughie makes a tiny fucking baby.”

You wrinkle your nose at him. “Don’t bully the infant, Ben-“

“I’m not bullying him, I’m bullying his father. Hughie’s a fucking adult, he’ll live.” Ben rises up to kiss your brow. “You look real damn good with a baby in your arms, darling.”

You smile at him, tilting your head back to meet his gaze. Keep it in your pants, old man.

For the damn baby I will, but I promised you a proper fucking, Ben drawls your name between your heads, shooting you a wink. Going to have you begging for my cum in your mouth, on your tits, in that pretty fucking pussy-

Benjamin. You give him a stern look, even as the deep sound of his voice in your mind, the sight of him grinning at you, and the hunger in his body settle deep in your stomach. Not when I’m actively holding the child.

He rolls his eyes, but drops at your side on the couch and kisses your temple. Fine.

Thank you. You lean your head on Ben’s shoulder, letting him tuck you against his side, his hand tracing slow patterns on your arm as you start to hum, soothing Joey fully to sleep.

And you could’ve stayed like this for a lifetime. Ben’s content—you can feel it, feel how deeply and easily settled he is at your side—this is so simply peaceful, and you have no desire to disturb the static, colorful feeling you get from Joey, so you could’ve died here.

But Joey shits his pants, because that’s what babies do.

And You really don’t want to move. 

MM left some things by the door, can you please-

You don’t need to finish the sentence before Ben’s moving, marching to the hall to grab the diapers and pushing the coffee table to your knees when he returns. You change Joey there—it’s a flat surface, you cleaned it that morning, and Ben had laid out a towel—before settling back onto the couch, and that’s most of the day. Joey’s hungry, Ben grabs the bottle and you feed him. Joey’s never cold—you and Ben are walking furnaces—but he seems a little uncomfortable, so Ben grabs a blanket Annie left and you swaddle. Joey shits himself again, and Ben marches upstairs to run a sink bath.

He hangs over your shoulder every second. And there are no grumbled suggestions or thoughts about Joey, only normal conversations about work and TV and Ryan and dinner. Nothing feels different, and the solid, pious care and love you feel from Ben is no stronger than normal. It’s aimed right at your heart and golden and warm in your body, but that’s just Ben. That’s how he loves you. 

The only change is something softer—lining over his head and lungs—that glows when you catch him glancing at Joey in your arms. When you settle back on the couch with a sleepy, clean baby, and Ben pulls you half into his lap, resting his chin on the top of your head. You waste the afternoon like this. Watching TV with Ben everywhere around you, Joey asleep in your arms and nothing really that worrying in the world.

When your phone rings, you almost don’t want to answer it. But it’s Butcher, and if you ignore him he’ll come to your house, so you sigh and pick up the call.

“Butcher,” you whisper, and Ben’s arms tighten around your body. “Please tell me this is important.”

“You wound me.” Butcher’s voice is filled with mock offense through the speaker as he says your name. “I ain’t ever bothered you for no reason-“

“One time you called me to say Ben lost his pen.”

“And he was tearin’ up the bloody office, so I needed you to work your fuckin’ sex magic on the Gov before he hurt ‘imself. Always got a reason, love, you should well fuckin’ know that.”

I can’t hurt myself. Ben grumbles in your ear, obviously eavesdropping. Only person who can hurt me is you-

Romantic, my love. Shut up. “Butcher, if this is a work thing you have to call MM, Ben and I both have the day off-“

“‘Fraid MM ain’t able to help with this one, love. I got Secretary Campbell ‘ere, and he ain’t leavin’ until he speaks to Mr. and Mrs. American Dream.”

“Stop calling us that, it doesn’t even make sense.” You sigh, glancing at Joey in your arms. “What does he want?”

Apparently, Singer’s Defense Secretary is trying to get you and Ben to donate some DNA again. And you’d send Ben to deal with him, but you’re pretty sure that would end with a dead Campbell and another year half on the lam for you. So you sigh, tell Butcher you’ll be there soon, and hang up.

Ben mutters your name, keeping you steady in his lap. “I can fucking handle this-“

“No, Ben, it’s okay.” You lean back on his shoulder, giving him a soft smile. “You watch Joey, and I’ll pick up Ryan on my way back.”

“You shouldn’t fucking drive-“

“I’ll go slow. And be careful-“

Ben scoffs. “You’re never fucking careful-“

“Yes, I am. I will be. Just take Joey-“

“No, I’ll fucking deal with Singer’s lapdog, and you’ll keep the baby-“

“Benjamin.” You snap, and he shuts his mouth with a glower. There’s something sore over his whole body, but it’s rooted in his hands. Itching and heavy and tense, tight around his throat-

You frown, tilting your head at him, and softening your voice between your heads.

Are you okay?

I-

And remember I can feel you, Ben. You raise your brows, shifting in his lap to fully face him. Are you worried about the baby?

I’m not fucking worried, he grunts your name, hands tightening on your body. I don’t want to you leave, Sunshine, is that a goddamn crime-

No. You kiss him, quick and sweet, and rise from his hold. But I do have to go. I’ll put Joey in the travel crib, and you can Ben’o’phone me if you need help.

Or you could fucking stay-

You’ll be fine, my love. I’ll be back soon.

——————

Ben wasn’t watching TV. It was on, in the background, but he couldn’t goddamn focus on it. 

There was a fucking baby in the room. It wasn’t bigger than his forearm, it kept making small baby sounds, and if Ben looked away from the crib for one goddamn second he was pretty fucking certain something would go wrong. The ceiling would fall and Ben wouldn’t be quick enough to throw his body over it. He would be quick enough, but he wouldn’t be careful and he’d crush the baby. The baby would shit, and he’d have to change the diaper. It would start throwing lightning bolts like its mother, and Ben would have to figure out what the fuck to do. It would be hungry, and Ben didn’t have tits. 

The ceiling would not fall. This whole house had been supe-proofed, because all of them still had nightmares that set off their powers, when Ryan and Ben it could—according to Her—cause permanent structural damage, and Ben needed to be able to fuck Her however he pleased without worrying about everything breaking around them.

Ben would not crush the baby. He wasn’t some weak fucking pussy who couldn’t control his strength after damn near 80 years.

If the baby took another shit, Ben could change a diaper. He wouldn’t fucking like it, but it was just shit and piss. He’d been covered in guts and blood and brains, shit and piss was nothing. Even if that thing took some of the biggest shits Ben had seen in his very long life.

According to Her and Frenchie, mainstreamed V wasn’t hereditary. It didn’t fundamentally change the users DNA or some shit, so Annie and Hughie’s baby would always just be a normal person. Ben wasn’t really sure, because somewhere in the conversation someone had said what if they had a baby and pointed to Her and Ben, and he’d gotten distracted. 

If it got hungry, She’d shown Ben how formula worked, and he’d figure it out. He’d do whatever the hell he needed to in order to prove to Her that they could have a baby. If they had a baby, Ben would fucking kill it.

Not the baby. He’d kill taking care of a baby. He’d feed and change and tend to it—just like he did with Her and Ryan—and it would be fucking disgusting and boring as shit, but he’d goddamn do it if he could have a baby. 

And he didn’t know exactly what the hell had changed in forty years that men were expected to change diapers, but he’d change a million diapers for Her. He’d throw himself into the Sun and bury himself alive for Her. He’d watch something called How to Train You Dragon for Her. He’d fucking cook for Her—she sure as hell couldn’t do it herself, and Ben would be damned if he let his wife starve—and he’d read a fucking book just to make Her smile. 

Changing a diaper—if that made Her happy as well—was fucking nothing.

So when Joey started wailing—about twenty minutes after She’d left—Ben was fucking ready. He’d been studying all the shit She’d been doing, and this kid wasn’t going to know what the fuck hit him. Annie and Hughie would get him back in better condition, and Ben would be a goddamn hero.

But the baby didn’t want food. And its diaper was clean. 

The only thing that seemed to make it stop was when Ben held it. Cradled it in his arms and rocked it back and forth, sitting back on the couch because every time he tried to put the little fucker down, it would start screaming again. 

Ben didn’t remember the last time he’d been this close to a real baby. He’d seen this one in the hospital after Annie popped it, and a few times after, but he’d never really held it. Annie had offered once, and he’d taken it, but it hadn’t been like this. Where Joey was curled into Ben’s chest and Annie wasn’t bouncing on her feet to take it back. 

This was peaceful. Quiet. The TV humming in the background and Ben just fucking holding a baby. A baby that was happy to be in his arms, and didn’t fit perfectly because it wasn’t Ben’s baby, but was still a damn baby.

Happy. With him holding it.

Something became clear in his head. It had never been fogged or covered, but it was sharp now. Right in reach and touchable, more than just a fantasy or daydream. 

Ben fucking wanted this. And he could really fucking have it. He’d seen Her look at Joey, and She’d sworn she’d want this as well. She’d said She’d want it with Ben.

And he could see it. Ben could almost physically fucking see a baby that had Her eyes and hair and whole perfect face, and would grab Ben’s nose and fucking break it. Any kid She and Ben had would be a supe—as far as Ben understood it—and they would be the strongest one yet. Ryan would help them learn to control the strength, and he’d never fucking worry about being loved less, because as far as the baby would know, Ryan would be their damn brother.

It would be smart like Her and Ryan. The kid would be talking in three months—or something, Ben didn’t know when babies usually started talking—and do all the fucking school shit, then chose to do good things because they would be Her kid, and everything She did and touched became fucking good.

And She’d be the best goddamn mother. She already was, with Ryan, and this would just be more. More annoying parents for Her to threaten, another person for Her to teach shit to, and another piece of evidence for Her to have that Ben couldn’t love Her more if he tried. Another way for Ben to show Her that She, Ryan, and now the baby were the only things in the whole damn universe that mattered.

He could see it. Her padding around the house in Ben’s shirt, holding their baby in one arm and a phone in the other. Hissing incredibly graphic threats at a congressman while smiling at the baby, sometimes dropping Her voice to coo to the kid when She was between calls.

“You know.” She said, swaying slightly in place as she mumbled to the child. Their child. That was Ben’s fucking child. “If that asshole doesn’t listen to Mommy, she’s going to let Daddy yell at them. And Daddy can be scary.”

Ben frowned, but he couldn’t quite move or speak, She didn’t see him there, and when She kept talking any protests of him being ‘scary’ vanished into the air.

“I know that crazy to you, because Daddy isn’t scary.” She set Her phone down on the counter, devoting Her entire attention to the infant in her arms. “He’s just big and grumpy. Like an ancient teddy bear.”

The kid made a soft, babbling sound, and Ben really wanted to hear it again. Especially as a tiny fist shot up, wrapped around Her finger, and she smiled as it babbled again.

“You’re right, he can be a bit of an asshole. Isn’t that right, my love?” 

Ben could suddenly move, and he was walking forwards. Moving to Her side and pressing a kiss to Her brow. “Smart fucking mouth, brat.”

“You love it.” She hummed, leaning into him as She kept speaking to the baby. “He loves it.”

Ben did love it. He loved how fucking happy She was, how easy this felt, and how—when Ryan called from upstairs for homework help—She passed the baby into Ben’s arms without a thought and walked away. 

And that was their fucking kid. And it had sharp eyes that were scanning over Ben’s face a little hazily, realizing that Ben wasn’t Her, and then almost squealing as it realized that he was Ben.

It reached up for him, and fucking Christ, the thing was happy to see him. It was making cute fucking sounds and squeezing his finger, and not a single fucking pussy would ever be allowed to hurt it. Ben would do whatever the hell it took to keep the kid this peaceful, to make it always this happy to see him, to make it so that She and Ryan would have the family they deserved, and Ben could just fucking love them for the rest of goddamn time-

“Ben. Wake up.” A gentle, perfect hand trailed over his face, and he’d fallen asleep. 

He blinked his eyes open to find Her standing between his knees above him, and soft smile playing on Her lips.

“Good dream?”

Ben caught Her hand in his own, pressing a kiss to Her knuckles as he blinked away a little more sleep. “You don’t have a fucking clue.”

She hummed, glancing at Joey, still in his arms. “I think he likes you.”

“He likes that I’m warm-“

“The blanket was warm.” She shrugs. “He likes you.”

Ben grunted. He wouldn’t win this argument, and he knew better than to try. “Where’s Ryan?”

“In his room.” She said, dropping at Ben’s side and smiling at Joey. “We’ve been home for a few hours.”

“A few- You’ve been home hours-“

“Voice down, Benjamin.” She mumbled, leaning Her head against his arm. “And you both looked peaceful. I liked it.”

Ben smirked. Were you watching me sleep, Sunshine-

Yes, I was. And you watch me sleep all the fucking time, Pretty Boy, so shut it.

He chuckled, kissing the side of Her head, and they stayed there until Ryan shuffled down the stairs, stopping behind the couch and staring at Joey in Ben’s arms.

“He’s really small.” Ryan whispered, and Ben coughed to cover his laugh.

“He’s a baby, Ry.” She said, kicking Ben’s shin as She smiled up at Ryan. “We were all that small once.”

“I was never this small.” Ben muttered. “I was a big fucking baby, and you probably were as well, kid.”

Ryan’s eyes widened, and She scoffed.

“How big were you, Benjamin.” She narrowed Her eyes. And don’t say you’re still big now.

Don’t need to say it, Sunshine, you know better than damn anyone that I’m big. Ben winked at Her, smirking at her pretty flush as he continued.  “I don’t fucking remember exactly, brat, it was a hundred goddamn years ago-“

She snorted. “So you might have been this tiny-“

“I fucking wasn’t-“

“You could’ve been.” She stuck Her tongue out at him, light dancing in Her eyes. “We’ll never know.”

Ben rolled his eyes, brat, and pulled Her into a long, slow kiss with his free hand, going until She was sighing into his mouth and slumping over his body-

She pushed off Ben’s chest, and something was radiant and zealous in his chest when She leaned back to look at Ryan, and there was an almost drunken smile on Her face.

“Do you need help with more homework-“

“No,” Ryan shook his head, glancing back to Joey. “I- I’m just hungry, but if you’re busy-“

Ben’s brow furrowed. “We look fucking busy, kid?”

“Uh, no?”

“Then it’s dinner.” Ben grunted Her name. “You want ravioli.”

She gave him a wide, toothy smile, Her voice oddly soft. “Yes, please.”

“Ryan-“

“That sounds good.” Ryan nodded slowly, taking a nervous step back. “I- I’ll go wait in my room- And-“

Ben frowned. “You finished your homework?”

Ryan nodded again, and Ben moved to his feet with Joey still carefully in his arms. 

“Stay in here, kid. It’ll be easier to get you.”

“No- I- It’s okay-“

“Ryan?” She twisted fully in Her seat, a gentle frown on Her face. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay, I just- I don’t-“ Ryan swallowed, bowing his head slightly. “Joey looks really fragile. I don’t- What if I break him?”

She tensed at Ben’s side, and Ben could fucking feel Her aching distress. Feel the presence of Her around his head tightening and spinning, see the sadness all over Her pretty face—almost perfectly matching Ryan’s—and Ben needed to fucking fix this.

“Hold the baby.” 

Ben walked around the couch to put Joey into Ryan’s arms, and the kid just fucking gaped at him.

“But- But I could-“

“You won’t.” Ben snapped, and Ryan shook his head.

“He’s so small, Ben.” He whispered. “And I- I could hurt him.”

“When was the last time you broke something.”

Ryan blinked at him. “What?”

“The last thing you broke on accident, kid.” Ben raised his brows. “When did you break it.”

“I-“ Ryan glanced at Her, but she was just leaning over the back of the couch, tapping Her fingers on the pillows as she watched. “I don’t remember-“

“November.” Ben grunted. “You freaked out during a team dinner and snapped Butcher’s table in half. You’ve had a fuck ton of freak-outs since then, holding shit a lot more delicate than a table, and not a single damn thing has broken. Hold the baby.”

Ryan still didn’t move, only staring between Ben and Joey, and Ben let out a long breath.

“Ryan, do you really fucking think I’d hand you a damn baby if I thought you’d hurt it.”

“N- No-“

“You trust me, kid?”

Ryan’s eyes widened. “Of course I do-“

“Take the fucking baby.”

Ryan finally got it, and took Joey from Ben’s arms with slow, careful hands.

Nothing exploded. The sky didn’t fall. 

And Ryan smiled, his voice filled with awe. “He looks like Hughie.”

Ben smirked. “He really fucking does. Poor kid.”

She frowned from the couch. “Benjamin-“

“Sunshine.” Ben mocked Her tone as he bent down, picking Her up with a grin and laughing when she squeaked. “You’re hungry, beautiful.”

She wrinkled Her nose at him, whacking his chest. “Don’t fucking do that, you asshole-“

I didn’t do a fucking thing. Ben drawled Her name between their heads, his eyes never leaving Her’s as he moved them out of the room. “We’ll be in the kitchen if you need us, kid.”

“Okay!” Ryan called after them. “I’ll stay with Joey!”

All the mock anger in Her eyes dissolved in a second, Ben leaned down to kiss Her—long and sloppy and heavy—as he set Her on the counter, and when he pulled away, Her smile was fucking perfect.

She was hanging off of Ben’s arm the entire time he made dinner, smiling at Ben like he’d handed Her the fucking moon when it was only damn pasta.

What-

I love you, Benjamin. She whispered between their minds. So much.

Ben kissed Her brow, tracing his thumb over Her cheekbone. Love you too, Sunshine.

You’re really good at this. With Ryan and Joey.

He shrugged. I’ll be even fucking better with Ryan and our kid.

And that was the damn truth. Because Ben could finish dinner and help Her serve, and he could eat around the table with Her and Ryan, but when the baby cried it wasn’t his baby. And there wasn’t a damn thing wrong with Joey—he was adorable, seemed alright for a baby, and Ben would never fucking tell Her, but while She’d been gone Joey had been chewing toothlessly on Ben’s finger and it had been the cutest thing he’d seen in his fucking life—but Ben wanted the kid to be theirs. 

He wanted to set up the TV while She and Ryan cleared the plates, let Ryan chose what they were watching for family movie, and have Her sitting on Ben’s lap with their kid in Her arms. Ben wanted to lean over Her shoulder and see sharp eyes blinking up at him, to hear the baby make a bubbly little noise and for it to sound like Her voice.

He wanted Ryan to help put his sibling to bed before shuffling off to his own room, and he wanted to be standing here with Her over the crib—wrapping his arms around Her stomach and swaying back and forth in the dark—as they looked at their baby.

Joey looked so fucking peaceful in there, and Ben could see it again. A future where She’d be just like this, and the baby was really fucking theirs. It’s in a sturdier, bomb-proof crib built by Frenchie, and reaching for Her—because who fucking wouldn’t—and when it made a noise, Ben’s whole fucking world would get a little bigger.

I want one. Ben muttered between their heads, pressing a kiss to the side of Her head, and She hummed.

I know, my love. She smiled up at him, and Ben was going to fucking explode. In the dim light—with sleepy eyes and raw fucking love written all over Her perfect features—She’s was always the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. I’m sure I can find one for you.

End Note: Finally gave Ben a middle name. I don’t care what kripke and any future spinoffs say. That’s his middle name now, because it’s the funniest possible option.

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[valkyriexo]

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾Late night thoughts 006☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

note: Requested fluff<3

The door clicks shut behind you, muffling the distant hum of the city. The moment you step inside, the first thing you do is sigh, heels kicked off haphazardly as you set the gleaming trophies on the entryway table. The weight of the night is still settling on your shoulders—so many awards, so many people congratulating you, and yet... deep down, a small voice whispers that maybe you don’t deserve it.

What if people were just being nice? What if they expect more from you now—more than you can give?

What if you disappoint them?

The thoughts claw at you, wrapping around your chest, making it hard to breathe. You stare at the gleaming trophies sitting on the entryway table, but instead of pride, all you feel is doubt.

And before you even realize it, you’re sinking into it—into the familiar spiral of not enough, not enough, never enough—

Then suddenly, warmth.

Strong arms wrap around you from behind, firm and grounding, pulling you close against a steady heartbeat.

"Nope," Chan says, voice firm but so gentle, as if he knows exactly where your mind was headed. "None of that."

You let out a soft laugh, though it wobbles at the edges. "What?"

He doesn’t let you go. Instead, he holds you tighter, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. "Not tonight. Not ever."

He turns you in his arms, hands cupping your face as his thumbs brush your cheeks. His eyes—warm, full—hold so much emotion it makes your breath hitch. "I know you," he murmurs. "I saw it in your face every time they called your name. Like you couldn’t believe it was real." His grip tightens, yet its still gentle. "But it is real. And you deserve every single second of it."

Your gaze drops, overwhelmed. "I just... I don’t know.."

Chan makes a sound—part disbelief, part something achingly tender—before suddenly scooping you up, ignoring your startled squeak. He carries you straight to the couch, sitting down with you cradled in his lap like it’s where you belong. His hands find yours, lacing your fingers together. "Look at me."

You do.

"Do you have any idea how insanely proud I am of you?" His voice is so full of love, so earnest, it nearly breaks you. "Like, I swear, I thought my heart was gonna explode watching you up there. You are amazing. No—" He shakes his head, eyes shining, "—you are more than just that."

You open your mouth, wanting to argue, to tell him that maybe it was all a mistake, that maybe people just had their expectations too high—but Chan doesn’t let you. He shakes his head before you can even speak, his hands warm and steady against your cheeks.

“Nope,” he says again, softer this time, his thumbs brushing against your skin. “I know that look. I know exactly what you’re about to say, and I’m not letting you.”

Your breath stutters. “But Chan, what if—”

“There is no what if.” His voice is firm, but his eyes are so gentle, so unbearably full of love that it makes your chest ache. “You didn’t just get lucky. You worked for this. I saw you.” His fingers curl slightly, like he’s trying to will his belief into you. “I saw every late night, every time you doubted yourself and kept going anyway. I saw you fight for this.”

You swallow hard, blinking up at him. “But five awards in on—”

“No buts,” he cuts in, pulling you into him like he’s afraid you’ll slip away. His lips press against your forehead, lingering there as he whispers, “You are incredible.” Another kiss, this time at your temple. “You are brilliant.” His arms tighten, his voice almost breaking with how much he means it. “And I am so, so, so proud of you.”

Something in you crumbles. The tension, the doubts, the weight of your own mind...it all shatters in the warmth of his love.

You clutch at his hoodie, pressing your face against his chest, and suddenly, you don’t feel so small anymore.

He just holds you, swaying the two of you slightly, his heartbeat steady against your ear. “I wish you could see yourself the way I do,” he murmurs. “You’d never doubt yourself again.”

You sniffle, letting yourself melt into him completely. “I love you.”

His breath catches, and then he’s laughing softly, full of something warm and endless. “I love you more.”

The trophies still sit on the table, gleaming in the soft glow of your home, but now—wrapped up in his arms, his love drowning out the voices in your head—you finally let yourself believe you earned them.

And with Chan by your side, you know you always will.

ઇଓ M.LIST | Ko-Fi | Taglist | Thank you for your support ♡ | Consider leaving a comment, reblog or like ♡ | © 2024 Valkyriexo 

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[potato-lord-but-not]

thank you m'lord for the comic i'm going to explode!!!! /pos

i'm curious where the name "holy ghosts" came from as a ship name? like i can intuit privateeyes and blindfaith, but i'm curious what the thought process of that is? that and smoking gun (is that the one? the john and noel one) (are there names for other specific pairings among the four..? i feel like there should be) i love unique ship names that aren't just their names smushed together so i'm just interested where they came from :3

I actually don’t know !! I’m guessing vibes, but I wasn’t the one to come up with it so idk. Also maybe it was stupid of me to name the au/comic the same as their ship name but it’s SOO GOOOODD. like ??? the religious trauma. the religious IMAGERY. the ghosts that haunt them. they themselves feeling like ghosts. ITSS NCJXKXKXKXNX anyway

smoking gun is also just vibes based- specifically bc my John has more shadow elements to him, and Noel is a cool guy who shoots things occasionally. idk it’s not g r e a t, I retract my statements about the name “forgive and forget” it’s honestly pretty good,,, I however stay struggling.

[frostbiteisthenewjackieshauna]

A fractured line

summary: after your boyfriend breaks up with you, you find solace in your sworn enemy (and realize that obsessing over a girl for years isn't very straight of you)

a/n: listennn, I promise this is a Nat fic and I tried to keep the Travis part as short as possible, but there's tension between them from the beginning. it's also the first full length fic I've written in almost two years so be gentle guys!! constructive criticism is always appreciated! also if it does any good I already have an idea for pt 2 that involves sesbian lex and angst so let me know if you'd be interested in that!

warnings: break ups, shrooms, comphet reader, injuries, angst, no smut in this one, obviously swearing, bickering, reader has a redemption arc- mean girl!r in the beginning, mention of a fight- I think that's about it!

word count: 8.7k

You laid in Travis’ lap by the lake, feeling his slender fingers rake through your hair as you watched the illuminating sunset before you. Maybe, just maybe, if you were on a field trip with your friends from back home, sneaking in booze and huddling up to him on the drive home, you’d think this place was beautiful

“It’s getting colder” He said in a raspy voice above you

“Yeah, guess it is” You said, not taking your eyes off of the beautiful sky “No game huh?”

“Nope.” He said, feeling almost butthurt

“We’re so fucked” You said with a snort. You never had an issue with being mean blunt, even though it always sometimes sounded bitchy and outright rude. You were almost lost in your thoughts, but then felt him lean down awkwardly to press a kiss to your lips.

Truth be told, the only reason a girl like you started dating a guy like Travis was to get closer to his dad (and maybe become team captain). He didn’t question it much— dating someone as pretty and as popular as you was the usual Wiskayok boy’s wet dream. It worked well enough, coach did seem to favor you and you being the bitch you are, didn’t feel bad for Travis at all, but it had come right back to bite you in the ass— realizing you were falling for him was like a cruel punch to the gut. It was all you could think about, you never caught feelings for anyone before, not really, all you ever did was try to get something out of someone, but what does any of it matter out here? What do you matter, what is even the point of—

“You okay? You look like your head might explode” He said, you finally looked up at him

“Nothing, nothing I’m fine” You bluffed, looking back at the sky

“You can uh— you can talk to me y’know?” He said, something like that sounded a little wrong coming from him

“Mhm” You hummed, looking back at the sight before you

You heard a bit of ruffling signaling that someone was approaching you and you raised your head from Travis’ lap, sitting up next to him

“Ugh, it’s you” You groaned. Natalie Scatorccio. You didn’t like most of your teammates anyway, but she was something else completely. There was something about her that drove you crazy and you had no idea what it was.

“Nice to see you too Y/N” Natalie said with a scoff “Came to get you. We need your help with chores” She said after which you let out a dramatic groan, laying back down

“Sweep the fucking porch yourself” You called out, putting on Travis’ discarded flannel as it was getting chilly

“Oh you’re not sweeping the porch, princess” She said teasingly “You’re helping Shauna carve up the deer”

“I’m absolutely not doing that” You said, not bothering to get up, all while Travis watched the interaction with immense amusement

“What? It’s not organic or somethin’?” Natalie questioned, walking over to you, you stood up, tugging Travis who was now standing right behind you

“Yeah! I actually care what goes in my body!” You said with a snort, seeing her eyes darken just a little

“You’re such a bitch. Seriously, fuck you.” She said, trying to appear intimidating, though it wasn’t going too well. After a beat she walked off and you huffed out a laugh

“She’s not that bad, y’know?” Travis said and you turned around to face him. You hated your soft spot for him

“You wanna take her side now?” You said, deflecting. So typical.

“I didn’t say that, I’m just saying, you’re even meaner to her then the others. Plus, didn’t you say you wanted to try to be nicer and all that?” He said, at which you just chuckled, looking up at him

“This lighting is agreeing with you”

“Why thank you”

____________________________________________

Next morning, everyone gathered in front of the cabin, watching Taissa as she announced her plan to go searching for help. It was ridiculous, really. You all knew there effort would be fruitless, and that it was a huge risk.

“Like I said, we’re not on an island. If we go south we’ve gotta run into something eventually, a road, a town, anything!” She said, trying to reason with the girls. Safe to say, Van was very opposed

“Okay but you can’t just take our stuff” You said, leaning forward as Travis’ hand traced patterns on your lower back

“Yeah, I’m all for what you’re trying to do Tai, but the gun has to stay” Natalie said, you almost scowled at the thought of having the same idea as her.

“Then I’ll take some things that we don’t use every day. The compass, one of the axes—“ Taissa started again

“There’s a flair gun at the dead guy’s plane” Jackie chimed in

“Don’t tell me that you of all people are on board with this.” Van said in disbelief

The conversation flew by from then on, you completely zoned out.

Soon enough, you made your way to Travis’ room, seeing him packing a bag. What the hell does he think he’s doing?

“What are you doing?” You asked him as your eyebrows knitted together

“Oh uh— not to sound like a sexist asshole, but I think they could use a guy out there” He said as you sat on the bed

“You’re leaving?” You asked, sounding upset, the tone surprising both of you “I’m pretty sure they’ll be fine on their own”

You took the parfume he was going to pack, fiddling with the cap

“Yeah but still, the more people there are—“ He started, seeing the look in your eyes. You glared at him like he was saying the most ridiculus thing known to man

“I— Travis, don’t. Please, okay? Let them go through with their dumbass ideas, you don’t have to be part of it. Stay with me.” You said with an involuntary pleading gaze. It didn’t take him much convincing to stay- your puppy eyes and soft voice were things he rarely witnessed, and he took note of how genuine you really sounded.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” He said softly, you got up on your feet, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing your lips against his. His hands landed on your hips as he kissed you back just as eagerly. You smiled into it, breaking the kiss while his hands stayed where they were. You were still just a few inches away from him, giving him a small smile. These were the kind of moments you relished in. You brought the forementioned perfume to your nose, sniffing it and and grimacing

“God, this is gross” You said putting the cap back on and tossing the bottle onto the bed

“Yeah, my mom gave it to me before we left, thought it’d be a good disinfectant or something” He said, smiling involuntarily as the pads of his thumb rubbed your clothed hips

“I think you’d actually make it worse if you put this on someone”

You two heard commotion outside, signaling the girls were saying their goodbyes

“Got anyone to bid farewell?” He asked jokingly

“No.” You answered simly with a smirk, kissing him again as you both fell back on the bed

He started peppering kisses all over your face and neck while you laughed, holding onto his shoulders

“Travis!! There’s a number of girls in this fucking cabin, I would not hear the end of it” You said, still chuckling. The boy above you let out a dramatic groan into your neck but hovered back up to kiss you once more

“I’ll go see what’s going on” You said, getting up. You did turn around once more before you left, seeing him grin like an idiot. When you left, you seemed to walk into an intense conversation shared by none other then Jackie and Shauna. Come to think of it, Shauna had been weird since the whole ‘shark week’ thing. Seemed almost tense, though it was very subtle.

“Y/N, hey. Uh— a bunch of us are gonna go to the lake, you wanna come?” She asked, earning a sharp look from Jackie, simply for inviting you

“Yeah. Yeah, sure” Shauna was one of the girls you got along with fine, though the same couldn’t be said about her best friend. Jackie was someone you truly resented, it’s like everything you longed for, she got, everything. Of course you could never say that out loud. It’d make you seem awfully insecure- which you definitely were, but no one needed to know that. Shauna seemed to have picked up on the slight tension in the air, which became more unbearable as each moment passed

“Let’s just go, okay?” The brunette said, hurrying off to get dressed

As you got dressed and went down to the lake, you started a casual conversation with Lottie— people had noticed you became nicer out here. Maybe it was the impending doom, or maybe just the fact that you’d go nuts if you didn’t talk to anyone. They weren’t sure, didn’t care what it was and definitely didn’t voice it. Most of the girls were simply glad they got to see the unguarded version of a person that most of them knew since kindergarten. But God bless Lottie, she was eagerly talking about something, but you were too focused on someone else to even notice.

“Nat looks nice without all the makeup, right?” No no, there was no way you just said that out loud, or looked at her enough to notice, was there?

“I- yeah, guess so” Lottie, being nice as she is said

You mumbled a ‘yeah’ as Lottie carried on with whatever she was saying, not being able to help your eyes which wandered back to Natalie. Whenever she was around you she had her guard up, and this was the first time you’ve seen her laughing and having fun with friends. She always fascinated you in a way. Her careless attitude and aloof demeanor were something not many people had the courage to show. You wondered how, maybe even envied her for it a little. But not the way you envied Jackie. It is a hard feeling to explain.

“Wanna go into the water?” Lottie asked, snapping you away from your thoughts

“Huh? Oh- oh, sure” You said, getting up

She soon disappeared to go talk to Laura Lee, Lottie that is, while you teetered on the edge, the lake being cold and all.

“C’mon, don’t be a wuss!” Natalie yelled while you graced her with an eye roll as a reply

You made one more step and sighed— which soon turned into gasp at the feeling of being splashed with the frigid water by none other then-

“Natalie what the fuck?!”

“Dude it’s for just shits and giggles!” She yelled out with an eye roll of her own “Just get in here!” She spoke again. She was being actually kinda nice, which made you think for a moment, but then you remembered what you’ve been trying to acomplish— be at least civil to people. Nat was definitely a good place to start, so you held back a snarky remark or an uncalled for insult and just jumped in. It wasn’t a welcome sensation, to say the least.

“Get on top of Nat, we’re playing chicken!” Shauna said, hung on Jackie’s shoulders. You did reluctently climb onto Natalie while Lottie and Laura Lee cheered. You pushed Shauna with all your might, laughing and raising your arms up once you defeated them. You could feel and hear Nat laughing under you as she tapped your thigh. The slight touch sent a shiver down your spine, but that’s obviously because her hands were cold.

“Good job!” She said, seeing Jackie and Shauna swim out

“Yeah yeah” You muttered, but before you could finish, she threw you off her and into the water. You let out yet another surprised gasp as your back scraped against the rocks underneath the water, though you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You were finally letting yourself be free for a little, and fuck did it feel good. The both of you laughed, holding each other underwater since she did fall on top of you.

“Wait wait wait—“ You started, fixing her eyebrows that were all mussed up, all while her eyes raked over your face, which you didn’t seem to notice.

“Uh- thanks.”

___________________________________________

The day went on, and after a couple of hours well spent lazing around and playing games, you lot did agree it was best to head back and start on “dinner”. You put one of Travis’ many flannels over your bikini (that was originally meant for the hotel pool) and grabbed your bag, walking back after.

“Hey! Wait up!” Natalie called out, rushing a little to catch up to you

“You talkin’ to me?” You questioned, turning around and slowing down a little

“Yeah, obviously…anyway you uh— you wanna go berry hunting before sundown? Could be fun” Nat asked with a tinge of hope and a small smile

“Yeah, no. Not my idea of fun.” You responded, turning back and walking now that she caught up and was by your side

“Well what about a card game or something before dinner? I just figure coach would—“

“What do you want, Natalie?” You asked, a bit annoyed, stopping in your tracks

“I was just—“ She started, but you cut her off

“We’re not friends…I mean— you know that, right? Jesus.” You stated bluntly

The blonde snorted before responding: “Yeah, we sure aren’t.” Nat said bitterly, walking off, or better yet, stomping

As soon as you all got back, you went to the room Travis slept in, seeing him reading a book. He looked kind of nice like this- without a care in the world, even though there was a lot to care for

“Hey, d’you have fun?” He asked, looking up and smiling softly. He probably didn’t even realize it.

“Yeah, I’m exhausted.” You said, dropping the bag on the floor and plopping down on the bed immidately

“No no no- don’t get the bed wet!” The boy exclaimed, which was valid, yet you did groan at having to get up again so you just dramatically rolled down, hitting the floor with a thud

“You are so extra.” Travis told you, chuckling, “And you need to stop stealing my clothes, I will run out of things to wear”

“You? I only packed clothes for a week! I’m actually going insane!! And I miss conditioner…and blowouts, and face masks. And cheeseburgers, I should’ve never held back” You stated groaning, the boy above you just chuckled at your little rant. He looked at you like you hung up the stars, which was cute in a way. However, you were so used to that look by now, you could barely register whether it was genuine. Still, you always felt like he didn't listen. Like- ever. Calling you random and extra were almost the only things in his vocabulary whenever you said more then two sentences.

“Travis! Y/N! Dinner is served!” Someone yelled— most likely Shauna, signaling you to finally make your way over and eat something.

____________________________________________

“There’re no queens in that deck, y’know?” Natalie said to Travis, walking into the cabin, though he didn’t respond

“Wanna try to hunt? I’m goin’.” She said— they were the designated hunters, but it was a bit of an unvocalized rule that one could take a day off if needed

“You go. You’re better at it anyway” He said, still fiddling with the deck

Nat snorted, packing her back before responding: “Your girlfriend is an asshole, y’know that?” The blonde asked rethorically, to which Travis just chuckled

“Am I interrupting something?” You asked, leaning against the doorframe and crossing your arms over your chest

“You’re good.” Travis called out

“And what are you doing this fine morning?” You asked Nat teasingly

“Hunting.” She stated bluntly, walking past you, which earned her a signature eye roll and scoff

“Well she’s got a twist in her panties…you know, I looked through that, there’s no queens” You said to Travis as your gaze softened, sitting next to him

“Oh I’ve heard” The boy responded, looking back at you before leaning in to give you a kiss “You slept through the entire morning, you feelin’ okay?”

“Oh no, yeah, I was just tired after all day yesterday…Any food left?” You questioned with a hint of hope

“Uhh, yeah. Jackie wanted to eat it but Natalie wouldn’t let her for shit.”

“…Oh” Well that did take you by surprise, I mean you tehnically weren’t rude to her but not exactly nice either

“Yeah, I’m gonna go to the lake, check out the fish traps” Travis said,

“Mmkay” You mumbled, giving him a peck on the cheek before he got up.

Now you were left all alone, a tad bit bored— you even considered doing chores, but after eating your hard earned food, definitely.

It felt like a fucking eternity, truly. You figured sweeping the floors couldn’t be all that bad, yet you were huffing and puffing as if you worked on a field all day. Although you could’ve been just biased— as a soccer player you were athletic anyway.

“Oh hey, you’re back!” You said excitedly, noticing your boyfriend had returned, letting the makeshift broom lean against the wall, “Wanna go for a walk? It’s pretty warm— is everything okay?“ You asked, noticing the look on his face that was much colder than the one he usually put on around you.

“Do you have just— like, no shame?” He questioned, leaving you wondering what the hell this was about

“Excuse me?” You asked with a small scoff, going up to the doorway

“Be fucking team captian? That is what you wanted?” He asked in disbelief, towering over you.

At this point, your throat felt dry and you weren’t sure what to do. Fess up? Bluff? Just say you don’t care and leave? But that’s the main issue of it all. You did care, for some reason. And you were afraid of losing him this way, especially out here.

“Look, I’m not gonna lie-“

“No?”

“No. Listen, maybe in the very beginning, yeah, I tried to get closer to your dad or whatever but the more time went on the more I started caring about you and-“ Your voice trembled. It was a weak response, a dumb excuse but it was the only one you could give

“Y/N I thought you wanted to- be together!” He stated, looking you right in the eye. It was always this way with him- beating around the bush before it becomes too much and one of you completely explodes. This time, it felt different, felt more serious.

You were on the spot, unsure of what to do or how to salvage the only relationship that actually meant something to you.

“I don’t know how to fix this. I’m not even sure you want me to.” A beat. “I just— I made a mistake”

“Yeah, well apparently so did I.” He said, throwing his arms up in disdain

“What the hell is that suppoused to mean?”

Your question was left unanswered as the boy simply walked away. You could hear the sound of his footsteps fading, your heart sinking a little more with each one. You hated it, all of it. The fact that this whole thing happened, this gnawing feeling, your eyes which were now watery, the shame and guilt or letting him find out in the first place. How the fuck did he find out?

“Y/N?” You heard a soft voice call out

You didn’t have to turn around as the mystery girl moved to stand next to you, placing a gentle hand on your back

“Nat? What is it?” The whole thing happened in maybe five seconds, but to you it felt like hours

“I heard the— are you okay?” She asked in the softest voice you’d ever heard from her. It took you by great surprise.

You looked at her even though your vision was mostly blurry, she stood close to you, trying to gauge how you’re feeling. There was absolutley no point in lying anymore so you just shook your head, which softened her gaze further.

“No no, it’s gonna be okay, let’s go for a walk, yeah?” She said and, you didn’t even fully register what she said. You also didn’t see her shooting Jackie a sharp glare- in fact, you didn’t notice Jackie at all.

Once you disappeared into the woods, the two of you settled down next to a small stream. It was quiet, and far away from everyone’s prying eyes. The blonde next to you pulled a flask out of her jacket pocket, handing it to you. You silently accepted, taking a generous gulp of…something. It was absolutley disgusting and made you grimace

“God, what is this?” You asked, passing it back to her, she chuckled before answering

“Vodka.” She said, taking a sip for herself

“Right…so how much did you hear?” You questioned, turning your head to look at her

“Not much. Just that last part.” She said, handing you the flask again “So what’d you do?”

You raised your eyebrows and sighed, taking one more swig before answering

“I uh- had a bad reason to get with him in the first place.” You said, practically scolding yourself

“Yeah, I figured it was something like that. But c’mon- it’s so obvious how much you care about him now” The blonde said, moving a little closer to you

“Not to him apparently.” Your voice trembled as your eyes watered again. God, this is not happening, you thought to yourself, not sure whether to be upset or embarrassed.

Here you were, sitting in bumfuck nowhere, feeling like the dirt on someone��s shoe and smuging your ridiculously expensive mascara over Travis Martinez. But there was Natalie too. She let you lean your head on her shoulder while rubbing soothing circles on your back. She made it all a little better. A little bareable.

“Do you think they’re okay?” You questioned after a series of sniffles and soft sobs, doing anything to get your mind off of this

“Hm?”

“Taissa…and the others.”

“Oh. I honestly don’t know.” She said, she knew she didn’t need to sugarcoat it around you. You shuffled just a little closer to her

“Thank you, for this, really.” She tilted her head down to look at you, and realized you were in fact, being genuine.

“Anytime.”

“I feel like- you’re the only person who’s not going insane out here. I mean Jackie and Shauna are being weird and Lottie’s fucking losing it—“ You started, realizing you were ranting

“Yeah, see how nice I really am? I’m sharing my very limited booze with you.” She said teasingly, to which you rolled your eyes, though this time it was playful

“Yeahhh! It’s radiating off of you.” You muttered, casually laying your head in her lap.

At this point, you were embarassed, upset, a little tipsy and definitely got a wave of post breakup clarity, so you weren’t exactly thinking about your course of action, though you did feel her stiffen up a bit. After a beat she eased into it, letting her hand travel lower to rub your back. It’s funny- this was a similar scene from a couple of days ago, though if anyone told you who it’d be with, you’d laugh right in their face. This time you couldn’t gaze at the sky, though you did gaze at its reflection in the small stream of water in front of you.

“How do you do it?” You asked in a low, raspy tone, not letting your eyes move away from the sight in front of you

“Do what?” Natalie responded, her movements stilling for a moment

“Not care. About anything. Or y’know, other people?”

The girl above you huffed in amusement, her gaze softening once you turned to lay on your back, looking up at her

“We all care, Y/N. Some of us are just good at hiding it. You are good at hiding it.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

You glanced into her eyes- a beautiful blue which almost matched the sky above you. At this moment it was all erased- the petty fights, disagreements, arguments, icing each other out during practice, almost beating the other up in the locker room after (it only happened once); all gone. There was just a girl above you, she looked like a different person and truly felt like it too. Maybe you were the one that changed. Maybe she was always this way, but you’d never given her a chance. However you swore that if you looked at her from a different angle, you wouldn’t recognize her.

“So are we okay now?” She asked, moving some hair away from your face. Her voice had an uncertainty to it, it wasn’t the first time you went hot and cold on her out here

“Yeah, we’re okay. Friends even?”

“That sounds good.”

“Let’s go back, yeah? It’s gonna get dark soon.”

Nothing could’ve prepared you for what you saw when you got back. You sure did get a few curious and skeptical glances simply for being together, but nobody said anything; They were preoccupied with Misty, Akhila, and Mari who were explaining just what happened to Van. It was gruesome, and it left you wondering how the hell she was still alive. Natalie and you rushed over, gathering any nesseceties to start tearing off into the woods and looking for them, even though you dreaded the impending search.

It was getting significantly darker and the group was losing any hope of finding Taissa and Van anytime soon, or at all. Maybe no one wanted to admit it, but everyone was out of their minds with panic and worry.

“Are you sure this is the way you went?!” Shauna asked Misty

“I- I don’t know, it’s dark, I can’t see anything!” The girl responded, she was cut off by flames that shone distinctly behind the trees.

“It’s them!”

The entire group ran towards their missing friends, catching the two girls collapsed on the ground. It was even worse than you thought- Van was unrecognizable and Tai looked plain exhausted and spent.

You never did well with blood and gore— or anything similar to it, Nat seemed to have caught on it, squeezing your hand reassuringly. Only then you realized she was actually holding it.

She never for a second let go of you, until you made it back to the cabin. You lot arranged a makeshift surgery table for Akhila to stitch Van up. It was a truly nauseating sight, a few girls, including Natalie were holding her down while Lottie, Jackie and you stood back, watching in horror and disbelief. Just as she was halfway through with it, you couldn’t handle it anymore.

You quickly ran outside attempting to get fresh air and take deep breaths, though it was in vain as you were hunched over and holding onto the pillar with one hand, emptying out the contents of your stomach moments after. It’s not like there was much anyway.

As you were finishing up, you heard someone storm out and make their way to you. Until you could make out who it was, they already walked up to you.

“Are you alright?” Travis questioned, placing a hand on your back

You thought for a moment, narrowing your eyes. Like what the fuck were you suppoused to say? How did he even have the balls for this? Anyhow, you didn’t have a chance to respond as today’s knight in shining armor ran out as well.

“Let’s go to sleep, yeah? You need it, after today.” Natalie stated, already pulling you along with her, you just nodded, eternally grateful for her spectacular timing

The blonde entered the cabin with you, dragging your sleeping bag over next to hers. As soon as she did you laid down, and she followed by with you. The couple of you stayed like that for a moment before she spoke up.

“I’m glad we kinda cleared the air up. I mean if you think about it, we’re kinda two sides of the same coin, right?” She whispered with a breathy chuckle

“Yeah, me too. You know, I never really apologized for—“ You started, trying to find the words

“Being an asshole? A complete douchebag?”

“Yeah, that.” You said simply, a small involuntary smile graced your face

“It’s okay. I’ve seen you out here y’know? Like— how you’ve tried to be more calm and shit…Not that I’ve been watching you or anything just—“ Nat’s little praise rant was cut off by an annoyed Mari

“Jeeeeesus, you’ve been fighting for years and wanna have your little heartfelt conversation now? Just let us sleep.”

To that, Nat and you let out another couple of those breathy chuckles before she whispered once more

“Night, Y/N/N”

“Night.” You whispered back, turning your back to her. You could feel her soft breathing even out against your neck as you drifted off, feeling a sense of safety. Something you hadn’t felt in a long time, even before you crashed.

It felt like less then minutes of sleep as you got rudely awaken by none other then Laura Lee, banging…something. You couldn’t make it out, not this sleepy. You groaned, raising your head in sync with Natalie, whose arm was clung lazily across your midsection. The two of you were so close that once you sat up, you could feel her slightly ragged breathing on your cheekbone.

“You’re gonna fly?” The sentance by Lottie took you out. Until just now, you were too drowsy (or maybe just distracted by Nat and your’s proximity) to pay attention to what the blonde in front of you was saying— she wants to fly the abandoned plane?

“But you don’t know how.” Nat said, sitting up straighter

“I’ve read the flight manuel, and I checked the gas tank, it’s full!”

“You cannot be serious.” You stated in disbelief

“Look, I used to watch my grandpa fly, he even let me stir a few times, I know that I can do this! And you can’t deny that Van need serious medical attention.” Laura Lee said. You felt gnawing deja vu, remembering everything that happened just the other day when someone was convinced they could find a way to get the fuck out of here.

“She’s not the only one.” Jackie said. A beat. “Shauna, tell them.”

You furrowed your brows in confusion, shooting a look to Natalie, which she returned. After a few seconds of slience, Shauna spoke.

“I’m pregnant.” The statement took everyone by surprise, it was followed up by a few gasps and a very curious Misty Quigley. There were also a few questions, though the only one that truly reached you was-

“Did it happen out here?!” By Mari. The thought and implication of the question itself made your stomach drop a little, though you were very relieved when Shauna replied with a firm no.

“It doesn’t matter when it happened, okay? It just matters that we get them both help.” Jackie said, looking around the room to get her point across

“Wait— if it didn’t happen here, who is the baby daddy?” You chimed in, only half joking, to which Nat chuckled beside you

“It doesn’t matter.” Jackie shot back

“Okay- no, Laura Lee, I’m not letting you do this. It’s not even close to safe.” Coach said, seemingly appearing out of nowhere, at least to you

“There’s no safe anymore Coach Scott. Winter is coming, If I don’t do this then- we’re all gonna fucking starve.” The girl shot back at him. Her swearing did take you by surprise. And it’s not like Ben could do anything to stop her anyway. You couldn’t help but feel a flicker of hope at the whole ordeal.

Not more than fifteen minutes later, all of you gathered to help clean up the plane, and take it out of the shackles that the woods themselves created. At this moment, you found yourself talking to Nat yet again.

“Okay okay, what is the first thing you’re gonna do when we get back?” You questioned, tearing the vines around the left wing

“First thing? Oh I was gonna say take a shower but realistically it’ll be lighting up a blunt” She responded with a chuckle “What about you, princess?”

You truly tried to ignore the little overlap your heart made at the nickname she always teased you with, you did.

“Uhh…well mine will be taking a looooong bath. And doing an everything shower after” You answered

“The fuck is an ‘everything shower’?”

“It’s literally everything you can think of doing to butter yourself up. Like- hair wash, exfoliating, shaving and then after a blowout, maybe a face mask or something” You explained, feeling almost too upset by not being able to do any of those things. But you had bigger things to worry about. Like y’know- staying alive and stuff

“Your dreams are much more expensive then mine.” She replied to which you chuckled.

And you didn’t notice. You didn’t notice her eyes lingering on your features because your own lingered on something else. Someone else.

Rather yet, your longing gaze lingered on Travis, who was apparently having a very entertaining conversation with none other than Jackie fucking Taylor. She had to take that from you too?

See that’s the thing about addiction- you never really notice or think about anything else. You didn’t even notice when the girls first called out that Laura Lee was ready to go, you just kind of walked along.

Everyone was hugging her and saying their goodbyes. She embraced every single person without a second thought except you. You saw the glimmer of hesitation in her eyes when she approached you. Could you have been that fucking bad?

You went in and wrapped your arms around her anyway. It wasn’t the time to be petty.

Coach made one last attempt to try and talk the girl out of her risky plan, but she didn't budge. The blonde took off, she was really fucking doing it. She was flying.

Every single one of you were ecstatic, cheering and running towards the edge of the lake. This had given you all more hope then anything else in the past couple of months. You could be back home so soon. A thought that crossed your mind was having a spa day with Nat, you're sure she'd never been pampered that way before. You thought about exploring this new friendship out in the real world, which sent a thrill through you. You reached for her hand since she was right beside you, and she happily held it. Everything in this moment was perfect.

"Is that smoke?" Jackie asked, your brows knitted together as you tried to look for the source of her concern.

You didn't have to look for long. Mere seconds after, the plane exploded with a big flash. The shriek you let out was practically inaudiable compared to the loud 'bang' the explosion caused. You were startled, falling flat on your ass on the cold sand beneath you, the force with which you fell pulled Nat down with you too.

She snuck a hand around your waist, gripping you tightly as you both let out soft sobs of disdain and shock. The sight of Lottie, crumbling down because of the sudden loss was too much to bare. You couldn't even begin to imagine how it must feel, losing a person so dear to you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the crisp morning the sunlight beamed through the cabin, waking you from your restless sleep. It had been weeks after the incident, but the weight of it was still very present. A few girls that were up greeted you, and you grumbled a quiet 'morning' to them. It wasn't good- you simply acknowledged that it was morning.

Your eyes fell to Natalie's sleeping form beside you. She looked oh so peaceful, one of her hands rested on your hip and the other was above her head. Her lips were slightly parted and they formed a small pout. All the muscles in her face were relaxed and her chest rhythmically rose and fell. She was beautiful. You snuggled up to her, hoping to get a bit more rest before the day. You felt her stir a little, seeking your warmth even in her sleep. After a few minutes you noticed her breathing differ, as well as her lips curving into a small smile against your shoulder. The two of you had grown impeccably close since your break up with Travis, the day she comforted you like no one else ever had, or would.

"Hey."

"Hey Nat." You said, turning to face her

"Sleep well?" She asked, removing the hand from your hip and placing it under her head

"Nope." You responded simply, popping the p

"Yeah I figured...I'm starving" She muttered, burying her head further into your shoulder

You let out a bitter chuckle before responding, "Welcome to the fuckin' club"

The two of you laid there for a bit, relishing in the calm atmosphere- knowing it wasn't gonna last much longer.

A few hours had passed by, and the entire group was now awake and huddled by the fireplace while Mari worked on making breakfast, the meal being none other then a bunch of worms Shauna and Akhila brought back. You sat at Nat's feet, hugging your knees close to your chest with one arm as the girl finally handed you your food. Your face contorted in a slight, involuntary scowel at the sight

"Just pretend it's fries or something, yeah?" Natalie spoke above you, to which you silently nodded

"God, I can't to this" Mari said, disappearing for a moment. Once she returned, she had a jar of some kind of liquid with her

"What is that?" "Was some berries I was trying to save, but i think it might've turned into booze? I don't know about the rest of you, but I could use a drink."

"Do we think it's safe?" Tai asked with a hint of reluctence

"Do we care?" Good point.

"I don't!" You called out, extending your arm

"I have a few more." "If we have booze let's have a party." Jackie said in a flat tone- one that wasn't characteristic for her in the slightest

"Yeah, cause we have sooo much to celebrate" Taissa responded sarcastically

"Do we need a reason? We're gonna be dead in a few weeks." Jackie said, which yeah- true, but it was weirdly unsettling hearing it from her. She was the team's spirit, always hopeful and ready to offer reassurence and a smile. Even if you weren't fond of the girl, you wondered what could've changed her perspective so suddenly.

"...We packed dresses for the awards dinner. And it's gonna be homecoming soon"

"There's gonna be a full moon tomorrow" "Well there we go! We have dresses, we have booze, we can decorate...have sort of a moon homecoming." Jackie said, trying to convince the group

"More like a doom homecoming" Taissa said jokingly- though Van didn't seem to find it funny as she practically ran off

"A doomcoming" Lottie said, seemingly a bit out of it, but you did snicker at the idea. And so did Nat.

"Now that's a party idea" She said, looking over at Lottie

You leaned back, resting your head on Nat's knee

"Yeah, alright, a doomcoming- we'll drink rotten berries and celebrate our impending death.”

After that, you found yourself by Natalie's side, looking for branches, twigs, leaves, and little flowers, or anything that could help with decoration, really (which meant she was looking and you were walking along with her).

"So how've you been?" She asked, tearing something off a tree

"You know, you ask me that every day and the answer never changes" You replied, looking down at your grown out and chipped manicure

"Maybe I hope it will." She said sarcastically with her signature grin, turning to face you. Her expression suddenly became a bit more serious "He asks about you all the time, y'know?" She said reluctently, as if she was debating wether to voice it or not

And oh, yeah, him. That. You didn’t really care anymore, as bad as that sounds. Sure, it was tough at times, with him being around all the fucking time, but it had been a month or so, and to say Nat made it all easier is a rude understatement.

"You two really got nothin' better to talk about then me, huh?" You said sarcastically, picking a little white flower from the ground. She chuckled a little before speaking again

"I just thought you might wanna know he does miss you." She said, there was a bitter edge to her tone

“Maybe. But there’s no point in digging through the mud. All you get is dirty.” As you said this, you noticed the look on her face- none other than relief. You just wondered why she’d be relieved you don’t want anything to do with Travis anymore. But of course, you didn’t think too much of it.

"Do you wanna- go together?" Nat asked, fiddling with the makeshift decorations in her hand

"Like to the dance? Sure, I guess. I never went with a friend before." Ohh, you sweet summer child.

"First time for everything I guess" She said, walking again

You followed up behind her, ranting mindlessly about random stuff and the things you missed most about being home. She pretty much just listened, chiming in from time to time. That's what you loved about her, she always let you talk about anything yet never seemed to grow bored. Not only that, but in future conversations she even brought up little details you'd told her. She was listening. Soon enough you got back to the cabin, saying a quick bye to her before going inside.

"You done with that?" You asked Jackie, pointing to her pink caboodle

"Uh yeah, you can have it!" She said with a small smile

You muttered a quick 'thanks' , picking it up and applying a bit of make up, even though you kinda hated having to do your eyeshadow with your hands.

"Looks pretty." The girl said simply

"Thank you." You responded, not taking your eyes off the mirror. This is what you hated most about her- how fucking nice she was. If she was at least a bitch, you wouldn't feel bad about being a jealous idiot. Little did you know why she was being even nicer all of a sudden. But just like everything else, you brushed it off. Didn't think about it at all. Not when someone else was on your mind- there was no room for her.

What you couldn’t stop thinking about was Natalie. She looked, like, pretty today. Like, really pretty. You could only imagine how she’d look tonight. And yeah- you thought about her a lot. Almost whenever she was away, you thought about her. You didn’t know- but she was the same way. Sue you guys! You finally got a good friend that you can rely on and hug and smoke weed with and kiss! Woah- anyway. Yeah, that thought was a momentary lapse. Back to makeup.

Once you were done with all that, it was time to put on your dress. Which you couldn’t fucking zip yourself, ugh.

“Someone? Help please!” You shouted out, being met with hurried footsteps soon enough

“What? What? Oh, right, dress” Nat said storming in- maybe she thought a snake attacked you or something

You just snickered as she walked up to you, standing behind you to help you with the zipper. It felt oddly intense, really. First, she let her hand drop from your shoulder to you hip, then finally dragged the damn piece of metal up your back. If you didn’t know her, you’d think she was trying to act out a scene from a soap opera. But really, she was always this way with you- which is normal! Girls help each other out, is what you learned out here, Natalie just does it better then most. You finally turned around to look at her, raising your eyebrows and giving her an amused grin

"Well you sure clean up well" You said, leaning against the wall and crossing your arms over your chest. And you weren't lying. She looked fucking hot in a leopard print dress.

"Right back atcha...you done with your hair?"

"Uhh yeah, why?" You asked, furrowing your brows before she held a finger up and excused herself, leaving you wondering what the hell she was doing.

It didn't last long though, as she emerged back through the door in under a minute, holding two dainty makeshift tiaras that seemed to be made out of a few twigs in her hands

"I know it's kinda cheesy but- I figured you didn't make anything and all of the girls will probably put something in their hair, so I thought I could make us like- matching ones. You don't have to wear it!" She said, pretty much rambling. All you could think about is how thoughtful this was. And as she said, yeah, it was cheesy, but who cares! This might be your last party ever, might as well go all out.

"No no, Nat, I really love it. Thank you." You told her, glancing at the mirror as you put it on.

"Pretty." She said simply, and you tried to pretend it had the same effect on you as when Jackie said it earlier, or anyone really. Even Travis, though he never said it a lot.

"We should go...make our fuckin' amazing grand entrance and all that." She said, shuffling from one foot to another

"Yeah, let's go"

"Let the doomcoming begin!" Lottie called out as you all entered. It was a good thing, all this. Made you almost feel normal. Y'know- a teen girl, going to a high school dance, longing for a girl, boy.

First that went in were Jackie and Shauna, no surprise there, soon followed Mari and Akhila then Ben and Misty. After them, you and Nat came in while she held onto your arm. The two of you settled into a corner as she handed you a glass of the rotten berries.

Almost immediately after that, a small smile graced her face and she tugged on your arm, pointing back to the entrance. Pointing at Tai and Van. It was such an endearing sight, really.

"Are they-"

"Duh."

*kiss*

*cheering*

"Nat and Y/N too though, right?"

"Oh definitely!"

"Tonight's special, here" Natalie said in her usual sarcastic tone, giving you some of the broth Mari had made for tonight. I mean you were starving anyway, so you downed it almost immediately as the two of you engaged in conversation with some of the girls.

Bit of time had passed, and now that (almost) everyone was well fed, you moved onto the drinking. The berries were fucking terrible, but at least it was something.

"Stop." Lottie started as everyone turned to look at her, "We should have a moment of silence for Laura Lee."

"Yeah."

"To Laura Lee." "To Laura Lee."

Afterwards, the first to speak was Nat, "So, what now?" She asked beside you in anticipation

"Oh, now we just need the DJ to pump up the volume."

"What we need is a slow dance!"

Everyone looked around in anticipation before Lottie started humming 'Kiss by a Rose', to which everyone followed suit until someone played it on their walkman.

Natalie and you awkwardly turned to each other before chuckling. She took the liberty of wrapping her arms around your neck, whereas your hands landed on her hips.

Normally, you would've been seething at the sight of Jackie and your ex right in front of you, but you were too distracted by Natalie's slender frame dancing along with you. Not only did she block the view, but everything else around you. You still did feel a bit uneasy, and you fucking hated it.

"You wanna get out of here? I have real booze." Nat asked, of course she noticed. Fully noticed your discomfort with the situation.

"Please."

The two of you sat on the cold ground, taking a quiet breather, God knows you needed it. Both of you had been so stressed and tired, just like everyone else. Still, being with each other brought you a strange sense of comfort. It was weird- you'd only been friends for about a month, maybe even less, but it didn't make your connection any less strong

"Do you think Travis and Jackie will hook up tonight?" You asked suddenly- you felt strangely lightheaded. Could've been the booze.

"I uh... I mean I dunno." Oh how obvious it was she was trying to make you feel better.

"They probably will, right? He's so stupid." You muttered, bringing your knees close to your chest and resting your head on them.

"Hey, look, who cares, right? He's just a dumb boy, and he has no idea what he's missing." She reassured

"I mean like, yeah, he's a dipshit, but still. I don't even think it's about him, I don't know how to explain it..."

"Well you felt safe with him. Maybe you weren't in love with the person but just, y'know, being loved, liked, whatever. You got off on it." She said, still not drinking. That you noticed, and you were a little proud- she didn't ask for the bottle, not once. "And I don't mean like your puppets and arm pieces back home, more as truly appreciated."

"Damn Nat"

"See? I'm a total philosopher!" She responded with a small grin, one you learned to love

"Yup. Sure are. Oh also!" You started, laying down which she did too, "I don't think I ever like, formally apologized for always being a hugeee cunt. So- I'm very sorry."

"Well you're very forgiven. See how a near death experience softened you? Plus you apologized about fifty times." Nat said teasingly, turning her head to look at you

The two of you were just frozen in the moment, staring at each other whilst you laid so close your arms were touching

"Nat I feel reallyyy weird"

She giggled softly before answering, "You're high, so-"

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah uh, you remember that time Misty poisoned coach?" "Mm."

"I think she put whatever that was in the food. Shrooms probably." Nat clarified, her eyes still boring into yours

"Seriously? Is it dangerous or something?" You questioned

"I mean, I don't think you can die from them." She said matter-of-factly

"Good enough for me. Dude this is an amazing buzz" You groaned out, tearing your eyes from hers and throwing your head back

She chuckled softly in response, still looking at you. And she wasn't ogling you or anything, she was fucking admiring you.

"You're stunning." She stated simply, her voice raspy and raw.

"Nat-" You started, but there was no way you could get any words out.

It could've been the shrooms, could've been the literal impending doom of knowing you were a dead girl still somehow walking. Maybe it was the loneliness of having your, admittedly toxic, safety net ripped away from you, or maybe the fact that you became a whole new person in the course of the last few months. You didn't know what it was, but you knew there was some kind of force pulling you towards this girl in a way that was more then friendly. Realizing that in the moment was like a soft caress, like one you'd never felt before. Accepting this was accepting a part of yourself you always knew was there, but it was buried deep down within you. But right now, you didn't care, for whatever reason mentioned. You just saw. You saw a beautiful, sensational girl before you.

Then you felt. You felt your heart do a somersault in your chest the moment you leaned in and brushed your lips against hers.

[saint-arya]

So- I have to tell this to someone before I explode (also hi! I love your writing!!) But anyway- correct me if I'm wrong but I feel like Sukuna would SO be the type of guy to say things to best friend!y/n like: "y'know y/n, people would like you a lot more if you knew how to do something with your mouth other than being a brat/bitch" (depending on how frustrated he is with their attitude)

dickhead — ryomen sukuna

★⺌◞. bsf sukuna x f! reader

drabble. oh, he loves taunting you so bad!

cw. best friends fluff.

a/n. going through old inboxes and giggling so bad you guys are so funny

masterlist //

you’re mid-eye-roll when sukuna speaks.

"y'know, y/n, people would like you a lot more if you knew how to do something with your mouth other than being a brat."

your head whips around so fast it’s a miracle you don’t give yourself whiplash. he’s lounging back against the couch like a damn king, one arm thrown over the backrest, that smug, lazy smirk stretching across his face. his other hand swirls the drink in his glass—casual, unbothered, like he didn’t just say some utterly insufferable shit.

you narrow your eyes. “i’m sorry—what?”

he tilts his head, fake innocence dripping from every inch of him. “did i stutter?”

oh, you hate him. you hate him so much.

“you’re an actual menace,” you bite out, crossing your arms. “a walking, talking garbage disposal of terrible opinions.”

“and yet, you’re still here,” he drawls, watching you over the rim of his glass.

unfortunately, he has a point. but that doesn’t mean you’ll let him win.

“i should make a list of all the ways i could end your existence,” you mutter, slumping into the couch beside him, arms still crossed.

sukuna barks out a laugh, sharp and amused. “oh, please do. can’t wait to see what that mouth of yours is really capable of.”

the audacity.

you throw a pillow at his face.

he catches it effortlessly, shaking his head with a chuckle. “brat.”

“dickhead.”

and somehow, despite it all, you stay.

ᝬ ˙.໑ ╱ © saint-arya 2025 — all rights reserved. property of ethel

[blondphobic]

in celebration of my 1st anniversary as a lads player, i’m sharing my ranking of the current love interests and some random thoughts on them, not that anybody asked or care about

1st place of course comes Rafayel, I wouldn’t be exaggerating saying he’s everything I like in a otome character, he’s SO charismatic, caring, funny, passionate, a switch (jeez who wrote that?), endearing and more, he caught my eye the moment I started playing the game, I adore his dynamic with mc, I’m very fond of flirty banter and they delivered.

he’s so complex and by coincidence I wrote this quite-long-but-not-as-long-as-the-original-draft post yesterday about how people simplify his character’s internal conflict and that he’s much MUCH more than most fans seems to give him credit, I didn’t even know today was gonna be my 1st anniversary, I found out because they sent me celebrative messages, I wrote that just because I fucking love Rafayel. I love you, Rafayel!

2nd place comes Xavier, I’ve been in a Xav phase recently, I can’t really say why because I actually don’t know, I’m just in a Xavier mood, I like his personality and his interactions with MC, he’s very tender, friendly and sweet, I really like that, the jealousy thing kinda activates my fight or flight but I chose to overlook it since he isn’t my main and another LIs gonna step into the 2nd place next month anyway.

3rd place is Zayne, I almost put him on 2nd because I really really like Zayne but it’s more in a “we’re besties” way, love his personality, he’s very kind and considerate, I unaronically think he’s really funny and he’s such a sweetheart with MC, ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ love this guy.

4th place’s Sylus, he was actually 2nd place for some months but somehow ended in 4th here, proving that except for Rafa, my ranking changes constantly, I really appreciate him tho, he’s a very charismatic character. like Zayne he just wouldn’t work for me at long term, he’s too daddy dom archetype for my personal taste, every time he calls MC “kitten” I get the ick.

5th place and surprising no one, comes Caleb for a bunch of reasons (but not the reasons people imagine I would have), not only he just got added to the game and we barely got time to grow attached to him yet but because being honest (and controversial), I find him kinda boring.

I’m not very fond of childhood friends to lovers so this end up influencing my opinion on him, I dislike how this trope relies on fake nostalgia over moments the characters shared together and forget the fact that I, the real person playing the game, wasn’t there and therefore have no emotional connection to this character. He always going “remember when you did that?” “remember how we use to do that?” no, I don’t.

Caleb was on scream for like 5 minutes then fucking exploded now he’s back acting psycho, Infold is giving me zero to none time to build any fondness for him so for me he’s just a rando who’s trying to kidnap me, I get he went through some brainwashing shit but since I don’t know him his betrayal just doesn’t hit like it suppose to hit. I didn’t felt betrayed, I felt disgusted.

also I can’t lie, overprotective men aren’t for me, even before being brainwashed Caleb was already too much for my liking, I already have enough people in my real life who think they know what is best for me more than I do, I don’t need this energy in my silly lil hot men game, if I wake up one day feeling like spending time with a man who’s overprotective to the point of being overbearing I can just hang out with my dad.

that being said I don’t hate him, my heart is forgiven when it come to characters if they’re well-written, Infold made a good job with all of them to this point so there still hope for Caleb, Sylus was lowkey a cunt in the beginning too and everyone seems to have forgotten by now

as a bonus, my expectations to the 6th LI: I want him to be related to Ever but I don’t want him to be a ceo because that would be very boring, there’s nothing sexy about making money by exploiting workers and Sylus kinda already fill the ceo archetype, I would prefer a guy who is/was a scientist working for Ever but he discovered things he didn’t suppose to discover and now wants to leave, something along those lines, we also need a sub character because the girlies who aren’t into the dom daddies are clearly in disadvantage, give us someone even more needy than Rafayel, give us a man who’s so pathetic. He having colored hair would be cool too.

also I want to propose we start referring to the LIs as “the lads” because refereeing to them as “LIs” sounds cold to me and calling them lads is goofy so it’s makes me laugh

[kt1018]

Not Looking for a Hero.

This is an unravel as I go story. A SLOW BURN. My first dip into the Rafe/OBX world and my first direct to Tumblr story. I’ve only ever written for Dramione and I only put out 2 of those stories so… *shrugs*. I’m not sure how long this will be or 100% how I’ll get to where I want to go.

But if people enjoy it I’ll keep going. :)

Warnings : Language and references to cheating. The warnings might change by chapter but I can say there will be language, violence and sexual content in the future. Just not sure when yet, but I’ll do my best to update as I put it out. So don’t get invested if that isn’t something you will want in the future.

This is Rafe Cameron x Y/N (female) Reader 18+

It’s late now.

Or early you suppose?

Close to 2am at this point.

It’s quiet and so are you, walking down the night covered street.

You’re holding yourself tight while an index finger grasps the heels you foolishly chose to wear.

But you don’t mind the feeling of the gravel pushing into the soles of your feet. Growing up in OBX you spent most of your younger days barefoot running around.

That’s not where the pain is sitting anyway.

It’s in your head.

Your head is practically exploding. You can’t believe you’re going through the exact thing everyone warned you about.

Your piece of shit boyfriend, Elliot Coin, cheated on you at his cousin Topper’s “Summer Kick Off” party and you walked right in on it. You arrived not even knowing he was back in town. School ended so you knew he was coming back soon, but he didn’t tell you he’d be here tonight. You were blissfully unaware of how foolish you would feel in just a few short moments.

You showed up late. Walking through the open front door, you received some off glances here and there, but nothing that fully registered enough to pause. At least not until you arrived at the back door to the patio.

Ruthie, Topper’s ex girlfriend, swung in front of you with the most infuriating grin plastered on her face like always.

“I wouldn’t go out there right now if I were you.” Ruthie spat out so matter of fact.

You roll your eyes and step to the side of her, moving back onto your intended path. The beers up for grabs were usually kept by the pool and you needed one ASAP. You weren’t going to engage with Ruthie of all people before having a drink in hand.

That’s when you saw him.

Across the pool.

Elliot positioned in between the legs of some random girl, perched up on the garden wall.

She was running her hands through his now repulsive to you blonde hair. He was rubbing his now vile fingers up her thigh and below her skirt. Faces so close they were practically welded together.

You were so unfortunately sober, everything hit you fully and all at once.

You have been with Elliot for a year. He lived up in Boston during the school year and you met at the start of last summer. At Topper’s kick off party actually. Fitting. Full circle moment.

It was the definition of a perfect summer fling. Beach days followed by pool evenings. Weekends on the yacht, partying with the whole group. Exactly what anyone would dream for the break before senior year. Living like a Kook 101.

You weren’t technically a Kook, but you definitely weren’t what the Pouges would consider on their level. You had friends on both sides of OBX and never really fell too far into one crowd or another. Your family sat somewhere in the middle. Never went without, you just weren’t inherently wealthy.

Not like the Thorton family.

Elliot loved to flaunt his privileges for everyone around to see. Topper was full blown Kook, he was just less in your face about it day to day. They would invite their girls, you and Ruthie, along with a handful of friends out on the water. Spending hours on end drinking and partying, until the sun started to set. Then you’d take the party back to someone’s home until it was time to rest before it all began again the next day.

It was never deep with Elliot in the beginning. During the break you guys would party and hook up. Nothing substantial. You weren’t expecting anything serious from someone who didn’t live there year round anyway. To your surprise though, he asked to keep it going the night before he flew back home.

You agreed.

For awhile you would fall asleep on the phone with him a few nights a week. He would visit when he could, long weekends or breaks. You even went to spend a weekend with his family in Boston. Your textbook long distance arrangement.

It all appeared simple on your end. You didn’t mind him not being around all the time. It allowed you to keep things pretty normal. Focusing on school and your friendships. Not allowing a relationship to engulf your entire world.

Seemed pretty perfect.

Then the week before New Year’s he let you know that he wasn’t able to come down. You were disappointed, but you understood.

You understood in February and April and all the other long weekends that followed.

You understood that the calls became less and less frequent.

Chalking it up to him taking the end of senior year seriously and buckling down. Or just him living in his world, you in yours and how far apart they were. You didn’t want to overthink anything because you had no reason to. Even though it spread over a few months the relationship was still new, so you didn’t want to stress over what was possibly nothing.

Now you’re here. Finding out that it was clearly something and you feel like an idiot. An idiot that was just slapped with her lack of self respect with a force.

You felt like you just let this happen. You ignored all the signs and chose to stay quiet. That led to you getting a front row view of Elliot, clearly forgetting or maybe just not caring that you could show up at any moment.

You stumbled back a few steps bumping Ruthie’s arm with your shoulder. You look towards her, finding that same smirk looking back down on you.

“I tried to tell you” she shrugged with a dry laugh as she walked away, probably to her next victim.

It took everything in you to not snap, taking your new sudden fury out on her. Instead you continue to back up the way you came.

Through the patio door.

Back past all the stares that you now fully recognize.

Right out the front door.

You got to the end of the driveway and leaned against a random car. Taking your first breath, you feel, since you saw Elliot all over that poor girl.

“Fuck!” You choke out partly furious at him and the rest disappointed in yourself.

You pull out your phone to order a car and immediately remember your phone died on the ride there. You had added grab a charger to your to do list, but things clearly spun out before you did.

With another sigh you start to unhook your heels in preparation for the hour ish walk home. You don’t even know what more you need other than that right now. Home. Your bed. Then maybe you can dabble into processing what just happened.

You just needed to get away from this party immediately.

That’s how you find yourself 20 minutes in, barefoot, cold, sober and more tired than you would’ve been had you actually attended this party.

You feel foolish for not paying attention to any of the warnings about Elliot. Foolish for letting his behavior or lack of attention slide. Foolish about ignoring the fact he hadn’t even texted or called. Foolish for not noticing your phone needed to be charged before leaving the house so you weren’t stranded walking home at almost 2am.

You trudge on. What else are you going to do at this point?

Suddenly you hear the sound of a vehicle approaching over the hum of whatever bugs were hiding in the tall grass. You glance behind you and see headlights gaining fast. You move off the road to avoid getting hit and feel the rush of wind whip around you as the truck speeds past.

Just as fast as it went by, the brake lights lit, shift to reverse lights and back up towards you.

Great. Now you’re going to be a roadside victim from one of those made for TV movies your brother falls asleep to on the couch every night.

You shift your grip on your heels so you have one in each hand, ready to take a swing if needed.

The truck meets you before going into the park.

Then the passenger side window rolls down and the cabin light gets flicked on.

“Hi. Y/N… You good?” Comes from the driver's side in the familiar voice of The Rafe Cameron.

Again, your eyes roll. “Yeah Rafe, I’m fine.” You step back out onto the road and continue on towards home.

Rafe Cameron is the biggest player in OBX. The party boy. The Kook Prince, which you always assumed was self titled. You don’t have anything really against him, but you also don’t have anything really for him either. You hangout in the same group and had your basic sarcastic comment here followed by a snappy response there, relationship. He’s not the worst person you know. Especially not today.

There wasn’t much more to like or dislike beyond that.

Besides, you don’t need to be around anyone right now. A long self destructive walk home is better than any company right now. So you walk on.

You hear a click and the sound of tires rolling across the ground as the truck pulls back up onto your left side.

“Not to disagree here but, you don’t look like you’re fine… even if you were, it’s 2 in the morning and you’re strolling barefoot down a dark road in a party dress?” He says with his usual mixture of sarcasm and cockiness.

You stop to face the window and Rafe puts on the brakes to idle by your side. You sigh, shifting your weight to your left leg followed by an annoyed head tilt. You hope this is projecting a casual stance and not even a sliver of the impending stress explosion bubbling so close to the surface.

“I really am fine. Thank you for your concern but you can go now.” You swipe your hand to the side for direction, as if he wasn’t the one just headed that way.

Rafe contorts his face in his typical I call bullshit look. “Right. How about you and I pretend you’re fine” he throws up air quotes to really set in stone that he doesn’t believe you “But you get in the truck anyway and I drive you home so you don’t end up on a milk carton?”

You go to throw a witty retort back and pause. A second attempt that again is followed with just you standing there at a loss.

“Fuck.” You groan.

His offer is the quickest way you can get home. You’ll also avoid any other possible passersby, good or bad.

“Okay. Fine. Thanks” You go to open the door but it’s locked. Your eyes instantly snap up to meet his and to find he has a smirk plastered across his face.

“Sorry.” His tongue lightly swipes his bottom lip and he reaches back to hit the unlock button without losing eye contact with you.

You throw another eyeroll and open the door. As you settle into the passenger seat you adjust your dress so it doesn’t rise up too far.

“Thank you.” You say quietly.

“Hey. I see a damsel. I save a damsel.” He was definitely joking, but you weren’t in the mood.

“Look I appreciate the ride, but there is no saving going on.” You place your shoes next to you and cross your arms to keep yourself warm or protected. You’re not sure which.

Rafe nodded with a light chuckle and took off towards your house.

The windows were all open letting in the summer air. There was a slight chill so you held yourself a little tighter in the breeze.

Rafe must have noticed and absent mindedly grabbed a sweatshirt that was draped over the seat, placing it in your lap.

“Thanks… again.” You say as you throw it over your head. Immediately feeling the warmth cover you.

“No worries.” He says keeping his eyes ahead.

“If you take this right here…” You start.

“I know the way.” Rafe states off hand.

Another quiet nod from you and the rest of the ride is pure silence. You leaned on edge of the window letting the breeze swirl your hair around.

After 20 minutes Rafe pulls into your driveway and puts the car in park. “Well not damsel. Your non-chariot has arrived at your destination.” Then turned to you to see your reaction, resting his elbow on the back of the seat.

You had a slight smirk on your face. “Well thank you anti-hero. I appreciate your service.” You gather your things and step out of the truck. “Oh.” You turn back around and start to remove his sweatshirt.

“Nah. I’ll get it back another time.” He waved you off.

“Okay thanks. If you’re sure.” You pulled the sweatshirt back down.

Rafe nodded with a grin.

You close the door with another barely there smile and walk towards the house.

Rafe backs out and starts to pull away. As he goes by he leans out the window one more time. “Sleep tight Y/N. See ya around.” With a wink he waits for you to get inside, before he takes off.

Finally you’re home and you clean up. Reaching your room you change into a large shirt and crawl into bed.

Then the reality starts to hit after you were able to briefly forget. “FUCK” you whisper louder this time and roll face first into your pillow. You now have to fight for sleep in between the revisiting visions of Elliot and that girl.

It was a hard battle, but eventually sleep started to take over. There was nothing more you could do about it tonight.

Tomorrow you’d put more effort into cleaning up this mess.

Part Two (I will start working on finishing pt. 2 soon)

[starswirly]

[ * hmmmm. Maybe using the name Star is a good explination for how I’m feeling ]

[starscream-is-my-wife]

Charming ur wife so you can continue working on something sick

[unriding]

❤︎ MOEVIE : 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓱𝓾𝓷𝓽 ࿐ . + in game voicelines! because i’ve been inspired to add lines after seeing layla’s from a while ago, as well as coco’s, vana’s, and nick’s for ppgear of course ( ⸝⸝ ◡̀ ᴗ ◡́)੭ ✧

Moze: About Evie

Evie was the one to carry me on her back when I had gotten hurt. Had I known she was coming, I would have done everything I could to avoid worrying her. As of now … I often pay her visits in my free time. It seems to make her face “light up.” That’s what Jiaoqiu said, and I agree.

Added to a team with: Evie

Don’t worry about me and focus on keeping your distance. I’ll handle the rest of it.

Evie: About Moze

You’d think someone like Moze would be easy to spot because of the purple, but I actually haven’t caught him a single time — yet. I find that I have a better chance if I abruptly jerk my head to stare down a random shadow. You can really catch him off guard, even if just for a second!

Added to a team with: Moze

Oh, here you are! I’ll support you from over here! Don’t be hasty.

comm from puri24a on twt!

[shima-draws]

Grips my shirt and tears it apart so that all the buttons go flying and SCREAMS I love Law and Cora so much what the FUCK!!!!

[sparky-is-spiders]

So do you ever think about Jon embracing being non human and becoming a worse but much much happier version of himself or are you normal

I am thinking about Jonathan Sims having a fraying connection with humanity All Of The Time. Jon who is drawn to the Eye not just because he needs to know but because being an Avatar just feels Right. Jon who has always struggled to connect with the people around him. Jon who feels he was never human in some fundamental way to begin with, always reaching for all the things humans are supposed to be that he has never been. Jon eternally caught between the knowledge that if he ever stops trying he can only hurt the people around him but if he never stops trying he will always be crushed under the weight of his own stifling humanity. Jon shedding his false skin and feeling nothing but relief even though he knows he is going to hurt people now, and more than ever before, and he is not ever going to stop because the chains are gone and they can’t be put back. This is because I am extremely normal and have no problems at all.

(I think there’d probably be some good Jon/Jonah parallels here if we had ever gotten to see Jonah as he was just starting out. Like genuinely do you see the Vision?)

(I do believe this post is like. Maybe the most articulate I have ever been on the subject. Do you fucking know how much “a tragic loss of life, etc. etc.” fucking Haunts me? I don’t have the words to explain it now and I don’t think I did before either but it changed my brain chemistry please I don’t know what to say but I desperately need to say it.)

(I think this was maybe more. Adjacent to what you meant maybe? Unfortunately I got caught on This Concept and I’m trapped in it now. I hope this is alright)

[xavalav]

guys did you know that uhh. fucking bloodborne

[chipthekeeper]

Hey. Hi. Because I’m very normal and not sick in the head, here are all the thoughts I had while watching the bonus featurette about the Aldhani arc (I know some of you are patiently waiting to see for yourselves so it’s under the cut)

- ugh Scotland you are sooooo……

- OH MY GOD WEVE GOT CLOSEUP SHOTS OF THINGS AROUNS THE CAMP IM GONNA BE TAKING ENDLESS NOTES

- Going to need so many gifs of my babies. So so so many gifs. I will pay

- Did not expect Susanna white to have that accent for some reason but I’m very into it

- Already lost my mind about this bit we got a clip of so many times but I will continue to do so

- “You have Vel who’s an incredibly rich young woman who’s grown a conscience” FASCINATING TONY TELL ME MORE

- “Skeen who’s a revolutionary by opportunity” some might say a mercurial man but yeah

- Oh a shot of Gorn but he doesn’t get a description, fine

- Oh i just made SUCH an embarrassing noise because VARADA IS TALKING SHES ON MY SCREEN SAYING WORDS AS HERSELF M

- oh. Oh sweet. Baby. Jesus. Oh. Oh my

- I can’t even describe what just happened above; you will have to see it

- Okay now I’m for real sobbing

- 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭

- They

- I keep making such loud and embarrassing sounds AND THE WINDOW IS OPEN

- Okay now to take a breath and actually tell you what that was all about. You didn’t really think I wouldn’t say it?

- Varada AND Faye talking about rehearsing their jump from the dam!!!!!

- And some footage of that where they’re just. Chilling and smiling and yeah I need oxygen

- Varada saying she’s “sufficiently terrified” to do the jump but has to do it with a straight face because cinta can’t look scared and holy shit this is truly everything to me

- There’s an AMAZING shot of them in costume on like a green screen stage and they like hug and then dance very ridiculously I’m definitely not crying no you’re crying

- ugh Jesus I just. That was a lot and I’m. Fine.

- Okay moving on

- Oooh Spotify artist of the year nick britell on my screen talking about sounds of the eye

- I SWEAR TO FUCK LUCASFILM IF YOU DONT GIVE ME THIS ART BOOK OR AT LEAST DOWNLOADABLE HI RES IMAGES

- Why the fuck are we suddenly talking about saw gerrera (not that I don’t love him but ?????? This is not the time)

- *strangled whining sounds about scenery shots with Skeen’s chopping line over top*

- Omg wife hi

- “We ended up being as close as these characters are by the end, you know, because they depend on each other and they have to believe in what each other can do” IM FINE 😭

- Jesus Christ I need ten more hours of that at MINIMUM

- In summary, I need this injected into my veins and nothing short of that will be enough

[crossbackpoke-check]

HIIIIII!!! IM GENUKNELY DYING IM SURE YOUVE SEEN IT BUT THE JOINT CONNIR BURTHDAY CAKE??????? SAW IT AND IMMEDIATELY BURST OYT LAUGHING ITS ALL TOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! UTTERLY WILD LMAOOO 😭😭😭😭😭😭 

me when i. when i. LAURENKYLE1 COME BACK I JUST WANT TO TALK

<- much like connor and dylan did not, in fact, talk at the caps/oilers game because connor was serving his three game suspension. but that’s besides the point 😇

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Oh em gee :,( ari :,( thank you for yapping at me…………. My brain juices started flowing…….. I knew all I needed was some of your ideas…,,, and the little hamsters in my brain started running around again!!!!!!!!!!! Ik u said don’t feel bad for sending asks but…. I feel a little guilty sending another one….. but the brain hamsters started working and I can’t deprive them of spreading their little hamster ideas 😔😔 BUT ALSO??? I NEED TO TALK ABT HOW U REPLIED TO MY PREV ASK. THEM TALKING WHEN UR SLEEPING??? AND MAYBE?? YOU SECRETLY HEARING??? IM GOING INSANEEEEEEE IM LITERALLY DISINTEGRATING AS WE SPEAK :((( satoru wanting to confess bc he doesn’t want u sad over ur ex……… sugu convincing him they shouldn’t rush u…….. :( sobs… they r so special to me. imagine what would happen if u just sat up in the middle of them talking like “🤨🤨I heard all of that btw.” but like. What do you think they’d do if your ex did try getting back together with you? Either that or just trying to get back into contact ……. Just an idea :3 giggles…. N E WAYS I HOPE UR HAVING A WONDERFUL DAY SLASH NIGHT!!! MWUA MWUA TAKE CARE AND DRINK UR WATER !!!! ^_^ — stsg anon 💐 < with bouquet. For u!!! :3

STSG ANON !!!!!! i’m telling you our brains are synced…… every time ur brain juices flow mine do too……… i’m so happy your little brain hamsters r running around 🐹🐹🐹

okok first of all ….. NEVERRRRR feel guilty for sending me asks 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫 never ever ever!!!! i love them so much!!!!! even if i’m slow at replying sometimes i promise i read them instantly and they always feed me so good!!!!!!! i should literally be paying you for these that’s how much i love them. if i catch u feeling guilty again there Will be consequences so watch out …. (ominous)…..

BUTTTT ok :3 YES . THE STSG IDEAS. i’m so happy you liked my little brainworms phdkdjj i just!!!! think it’s a tasty concept!!!!!! and PLSSS reader just sitting up and calling them out 😭😭 i KNOW they’d scream . even sugu does a little squeak bc he was so convinced you were asleep…… but goddd i think they’d actually be a little flustered <//3 our babies. once they recover satoru would be so smug tho. bc now you finally know!!! he doesn’t have to wait!!!!! and sugu is obv very happy too….

but… gahhh…… STSG ANON ………. if your ex tried getting back with you………….. ohhhh gosh. they’d be very offended . on your behalf . in a ”can you believe the audacity” way ….. but ofc they’d also be very furious and protective . like. maybe you tell them that your ex texted you wanting to meet up and they’re both INSTANTLY on guard…. ideally you’d block them ofc but if you insist on meeting them just for the sake of closure then they’re immediately convincing you to let them go with you!!!!! for scary dog priviliege . i’ll be honest i don’t think there’s much your ex could do 😭😭 bc stsg WILL be glaring at them. behind you. and if they even try to lovebomb you or blame you in any way they’re . Stopping Them . in one way or another. i think they get very very scary LMAO sugu stops smiling entirely and satoru smiles in a distinctly furious way 😭😭 ..

but ohhhh ……. if . you were the one who wanted to get back with them ….. then i think stsg would feel so helpless :’3 bc like . they can’t control you. they don’t want to. but i also think they’d rather die than have to watch you be with someone so undeserving…… so i feel like That’s when they’d confess. bc they’re so desperate . and let’s be honest who would choose a cheating ex over stsg????? no one <33333 problem solved. they’d be really terrified though…..

MWAHHHH one big kiss for you my lovely little stsg anon <33333 i’m putting the bouquet in a big beautiful vase <33333333 here r some handpicked flowers just for you :33 🌷🪻🌻🌷🪻🌻 i hope you’re taking good care of yourself too!!!! eating and drinking and sleeping lots . it’s what me and stsg want for you!!!!!! thank you as always for the food i hope u know how much i adore you <333